Saturday, June 20, 2009

That was the dog.

That was you.
No! That was the dog! :grins:

-----earlier in the day------

We are driving to Target to pick up some sandals for the middle boy. [And hopefully for myself, if they are cheap enough. *fingers crossed*] We, for this trip, are: myself, Alex, Dylan & Jackjack. The variance in ages make it difficult to keep focused on a trip. We are not merely going shopping, we are going for a purpose. This is an excursion! I need to buy Dylan sandals for the summer. Otherwise he'll be running around in socks & shoes, as he refuses to go barefoot. This child, mind you, has a shoe problem. I daresay shoe fetish, because I am still wondering does a fetish develop in those early years?? To say he likes shoes is an understatement. This kid adores shoes. Somehow he wished and prayed with all his might to get his beloved Sketcher's shoes.

That boy ended up with three pairs of sketchers: Airators, Z-Straps, and Evaders. And a pair of Heeleys.

Alex wants to look at (key word: look, because I sure as hell ain't that dropping that kind of dough!) video games, and "Oh, there is a Best Buy over there, Mom, can we stop there too please!!!???!?!" Because when we get there, he wants to check out new cell phones, laptops and, of course, video games. Everything his, and mine, - admittedly- wishful thinking can afford.

Dylan is the one getting the shoes sandals so there is no avoiding that mission. However, there is Dylan, "Mom, check out these shoes!" and me: "No, Dylan we are shopping for sandals, not shoes right now. Oh.. wow, these are cool. Hey Dylan! Did you see these shoes? Aren't these super cool?!?!?"

Jackjack, had no agenda. Well, that he voiced anyways. I pointed out, the minuscule 'baby boys' section. It was the newborn wall with all of the slippers, bathrobes, onesies, that sort of thing. Gift-y stuff. One-third of the rack was boys, the rest was girls stuff!!!!! Any mother with a boy, knows exactly what I am talking about. The boys turned their heads to acknowledge my statement. Alex even returned to that subject when I finally dragged us past there on the way out.

So really its me, almost encouraging them, pausing to shop, look, and telling them "lets go!"

Boys: "But mom! Did you see that?!"
Me: :sighs: "Alright! :smiles: But make it quick, we've got to go!"

------------>back to now, with the whole farting-in-the-chair issue. Yes that was it. The dog was behind him- on the other side, really, but just behind him, and he's sitting in the recliner, settling into some Grand Theft Auto and rips one off. <------------- Among the many, many reasons I love my son, here are a few: Mom, did you see that? hrm?
Why are all those bikes there? What is that?
Its a bike path, there is a little cafe there.
They have a bike club? Awesome! I'm gonna make a foot club! No, a shoe club! For people who wear shoes!
A boat! Aw, Mom! Lets buy that boat!
:laughing: Oh, boy!
No Outlet. There is no outlet in that sign.
Ooh, look at that. Tractor! Lets get a tractor. OOh, A patch of grass! Lets get a patch of grass.
Oh, Look, A house!
[If you are wondering, it looked like a kit house- buy the halves & put it together type of deal.]

Wonder what Bob would say if we got that and put it in the back yard.
:his horrible imitation of Bob's voice- sounds like an old lady really: "Oh, no! Not my precious grass! Bah!"

-we commence driving through the swanky tourist-y town to get to target, because I didn't think to get on the freeway! Sitting at the stoplight-

Mom! Its the boat! We saw that guy! Lets buy the boat!
Aw, look mom! A horse! I want a horse like that!

[Horses are apparently part of the community's Public Art Project this year]

oh, hell no. No, no, no no no no no no no no no no, no.

ooo, look! A rummage, aw, can we stop?!

-as we pass we can both clearly see that its all crap-

eh, maybe on the way back? [hoping to god, he doesn't remember. But judging from the incident in the store earlier, he'd remember. of course.]

MOM! ITS THE SNOWMOBILE!!! Can I bring it home? Lets put it in the trunk!
But you guys never let me bring anything home to work on!
How are you going to work on it?
I've got tools! I have a huge toolbox at my grandparents! I'll bring it home. It weighs like 500 pounds when its empty!!

-by this point I'm laughing out loud and shaking my head, because he is laughing at himself, and smiling, trying in a miserable attempt to keep a straight face and a 'serious' attitude about it!

Bring on the teenage years, folks. Because this kid is hysterical. I promise I won't want to go back to the hundred-thousand-questions-a-day act around 5-7 years old, because I've got two more kids to go through that with. I love my boy.

Mom, can we turn this into a bowl? Like hollow it out, and its all hard and stuff, like a gourd?

Harry Potter took me hostage last night

And, no this wasn't some sexual fantasy dream, either. I just finished HP 6 a few days ago [in preparation for the movie, I re-read the book, like most, if not all devoted Harry Potter fans]. Since I was at the library returning a book for Dylan, I thought I'd just stop and see if they had HP 7 [the Deathly Hallows]; they did. I checked it out, and resisted reading it for a day or two. Then I couldn't take it anymore.. I tore into it yesterday, like a fiend. Jack's inability to cope with the muggy weather did not make for pleasant times, or easy reading. But I did it. I finished the book. And I, like so many other pro-HP minds, cannot wait for the movie.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

I understand. I really do.

We all need a little love and affection these days. We really do. Sometimes though just when you want it, you don't. You want it when you can't have it, and can't have it when you want it. It is frustrating as all hell when your 3 1/2 month old has been 'put to bed' twice but can't be bothered with sleeping at this time of night! NOOOOO!!!! Its time to play! Its time to smile and charm the pants off your already weary and sex -deprived parents!!! aarrrgghh!!!

I swear if the kids weren't so fucking cute.....

.... well, even then I'd have a hard time. I love the little lump o' baby way too much.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Indy And The Jones

Is how my 5 1/2 year old refers to Indiana Jones. It was quite hysterical, because he really thought he was saying it correctly!

Also, my boy- as of today-, CAN RIDE HIS BIKE WITH NO TRAINING WHEELS!

ooh yes!

*for the record, he used to sing along to this song whenever he heard it on the radio. Or whenever he was riding his bike and then he would take his hands off the handlebars, singing 'I can ride my bike with no handlebars, I can ride my bike with no handle bars, no handle bars...'

'Twas awesome, let me tell you.

:background music- Flobots, Handlebars:

i can ride my bike with no handlebars
no handlebars
no handlebars

i can ride my bike with no handlebars
no handlebars
no handlebars

look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
and i'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
i can show you how to do-si-do
i can show you how to scratch a record
i can take apart the remote control
and i can almost put it back together
i can tie a knot in a cherry stem
i can tell you about leif ericson
i know all the words to "de colores"
and "i'm proud to be an american"
me and my friend saw a platypus
me and my friend made a comic book
and guess how long it took
i can do anything that i want cuz, look:

i can keep rhythm with no metronome
no metronome
no metronome

and i can see your face on the telephone
on the telephone
on the telephone

look at me
look at me
just called to say that it's good to be
in such a small world
i'm all curled up with a book to read
i can make money open up a thrift store
i can make a living off a magazine
i can design an engine sixty four
miles to a gallon of gasoline
i can make new antibiotics
i can make computers survive aquatic conditions
i know how to run a business
[ Flobots Lyrics are found on ]
i can make you wanna buy a product
movers shakers and producers
me and my friends understand the future
i see the strings that control the systems
i can do anything with no assistance
cuz i can lead a nation with a microphone
with a microphone
with a microphone
and i can split the atoms of a molecule
of a molecule
of a molecule

look at me
look at me
driving and i won't stop
and it feels so good to be
alive and on top
my reach is global
my tower secure
my cause is noble
my power is pure
i can hand out a million vaccinations
or let'em all die from exasperation
have'em all healed from their lacerations
have'em all killed by assassination
i can make anybody go to prison
just because i don't like'em and
i can do anything with no permission
i have it all under my command
because i can guide a missile by satellite
by satellite
by satellite
and i can hit a target through a telescope
through a telescope
through a telescope
and i can end the planet in a holocaust
in a holocaust
in a holocaust
in a holocaust
in a holocaust
in a holocaust

i can ride my bike with no handlebars
no handlebars
no handlebars

i can ride my bike with no handlebars
no handlebars
no handlebars

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Getting rid of chipmunks 101

I can pour gasoline in its hole & start it on fire.
I could shoot it.
-yea, get your gun & go shoot that damn thing. It keeps eating my strawberries!
I can't shoot it, I don't have a scope on it anymore
--Use the iron sights on your gun!
My gun doesn't have the iron sites! You should let me use your pellet gun dad.
--I'm not letting you use my gun! You wouldn't even be able to hit the damn thing!
I'd try!
--The last time I let you use my pellet gun you didn't hit a damn thing! And you were shooting at everything!
Its not my fault that you actually hit the first bird you shot at!
--You need to practice more!

:[--]Fred and Alex proceed to tell me the story about the time Fred took Alex out to practice shooting Fred's pellet gun. Fred goes, 'Oh, look I'll shoot the bird.' and actually hits the bird. A flock flies by and Alex didn't hit a one. Then there is a dispute on when this actually happened- was it 2 years ago as Fred says, or was it when Alex says he was 6?:

No it was when I was in grade school.
--No, it was 2 years ago!
Well then I was 8!

:for the record, Alex is 12. He'll be 13 in July.:

I'll just go get my shot gun.
--You can't go using a shot gun to kill a freaking chipmunk! You'll blast big holes in everything!
Noo, I'll just use birdshot. Wonder what Bob would say?
I could use a blowtorch.

:For the record, no chipmunks were harmed during the course of this discussion.

But if those little fuckers keep eating my strawberries, they will be!:

Monday, June 15, 2009

Do you really need TWO eyebrows?

Alex: "Dylan, can I shave one of your eyebrows?"
Dylan: "NOOO!"

Well, as it turns out, no eyebrows were lost during the shaving of Dylan's head. Alex did, however, have an awesome time stopping at various points during the haircut telling Dylan he was "done". He experimented with stripes.....

.... and a teeny tiny little tuft of hair left behind, just to see if he'd notice.

He noticed.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

So I had a crazy ass dream.....

....that I should start a blog about the odd things that happen in my life. I have another blog, Accomplished Anything? that I've devoted to my art. Art is the other part of my life, the main focus is on my children and husband. I am a proud mom to three boys: Alex, Dylan and Jack. I am excited about this blog, as I've dreamt about this. [BTW, the dream turned out good. Somehow Rob Pattinson was involved in said dream. Like I said, it was fabulous.]

Visiting my girlfriend [I can call her that now; we've swapped kid stories & bonded over chocolate chip cookie dough] this afternoon to de-stress [read: keep the kids occupied with one another]. They were in & out, jumping on the trampoline, swinging on the swings, playing with the hose, splashing in the kiddie pool. Ten minutes into pool time, "MOM! JACOB PEED IN THE POOL!!!" Both of us being mothers of 3 boys each, I immediately burst into laughter and she goes to get the soap!!! After adding a slide, we christened it the boy wash, rather than auto wash. Reminds me a bit o' Dr. Seuss: "come on down, we have the only gak boy wash in town!" Really though, how much harm can a little pee come between you and 50+ gallons of water?

FLARP made an appearance the other day, courtesy of another girlfriend. As I stated on her facebook wall, "

I must tell you: the appearance of the flarp on our stairs was enthusiastically welcomed, and the atmosphere of noise hasn't stopped since."

Highly entertaining indeed. Dylan played with said FLARP all last evening, and all this morning- "Mom, this one is you!" :giggles: "This one is dad!" :more giggles: "Aw, this one is Alex!" :squealing giggles: "This one is Sadie!" [Sadie is our dog] :hysterics: So the hubby tells me over our morning cup of coffee, "See honey? Farts are funny!" as Dylan continues, between squeals of laughter, to name off whose farts are now coming out of the FLARP container & its contents.

*Fish Story*
Well, its more of a fishing story, since it doesn't actually involve the fish themselves. Fredward and Alex went fishing this evening and they were telling me their stories from tonight's trip. Among them, were Fred's attempts at getting female passersby to "show their tatas" [he really likes to embarrass Alex like this]. No one did, of course, but its still funny. After telling me about the fish they both caught & saw , Fred, my wonderful and often entertaining husband, proceeds to tell me that he took a couple swigs of water. On the second swig, he gargles it. Alex asked him why he did so. As Alex proceeds to take a drink of juice, Fredward says he gargled because his penis was itchy. Alex nearly shoots juice through his nose, and regurgitated all of his juice back into its container.

Morals? Yea, I've got nothing. Laughter? Oh boy, I've got tons. Why don't you sit right round here, and listen to the FLARP. It really is quite funny!