INGLORIUS BASTERDS!!!

Was a fantastic movie!!! A movie, I saw with my husband. On a date. Our first date with no children since we dropped the boys off up north to spend a week with their grandparents a year ago. It was a well-enjoyed evening, and for some odd reason, can't stop thanking my babysitter for that evening. [Thanks Erin!!!] {Erin being 1/2 of Erin& Mattycakes, or Plan B Acoustic, as they are properly known} Oops, my shameless promotion has slipped out! Ah well. Go see them. Now.

Well, at the next show. I mean, you don't really want to go see them now because Matty's naked & Erin is in her pj's eating peanut butter & olives. Happy Snacking!

As if the 4am feeding times were pleasant to begin with

Jackjack has decided over the last week or so to bump up the time of those feedings to between 3-3:30am. Last night it was 2:45 am, when I was going to bed.

Don't even say, "Well Jessica, clearly you should be going to bed at 10pm..."

Let me tell you this: I don't want to fucking hear it. I'll sleep when I'm dead as far as I'm concerned. I don't mind the little to no sleep that I actually do get, or the fact that an 'early' bedtime to me is before 1am. I am concerned though, with Jack's little nocturnal habit.

As I type this, he's squirming on my lap, trying to "help" me type. It's currently 12:42am. Clearly he's helping. Or he just really loves his momma.



What the hell is going on with his inner functioning that he continues to need that early am feeding and why the hell does he keep getting up earlier?

I dunno... but he's damn cute & I'd be hard-pressed to give him back.

{Insert witty comment here}

Since Jack is growing at an incredible pace [anyone who has had a newborn, you know exactly what I am talking about], Dylan wanted to find out just how tall Jack was getting compared to him.



I told him he's just high enough to punch him in the balls.

I was just thinking the other day

I really need to get some more candy. My candy jar is pathetically empty. Its actually Dylan's candy jar, but still. Oftentimes it ends up being more of a community jar than anything. Then he tells me he needs more candy, because its almost gone. I'm all 'What do you mean you need more candy?? I need more candy!!! Psh!'


Yea, that's right. It's a ONE GALLON JAR. At one point this year [I believe it was shortly after Easter] it was actually 3/4 full. Not bad, since we've added & majorly subtracted since. But still. We really don't have much of a selection left. Its pretty pathetic... you'll notice we still have the crappy chocolate Easter eggs... :sigh:

:Segues into new topic:

Who doesn't love a bonfire? How about on a Thursday night? The older boys & I decided to have a fire last night. Fredward has been working 10 hour days so he didn't join us, as he needed to rest his weary head [not to mention his body]. I didn't want to risk Jack-jack being carried off by mosquitoes, so he stayed in. I played a bit with the ISO speed on the camera to capture some of the flamage, so I can use it for further study on drawing/painting flames. Here's a few shots...



*this one is my fave.*


And of course, you can't have fire pictures without mr. Alex, the firebug. I swear, he'll end up being a pyro, just like me. He started the fire & then yelled at Dylan twice because he nearly fell INTO the fire pit [like a ding dong, walking around the stone- you can see its not very sturdy]. Ah, it ended well though. No chocolate, no graham crackers, but we had marshmallows! The 3 of us and the dog each had two marshmallows, un-charred. No big sticks for cooking the marshmallow on, as our yard is encased by PINE TREES. So much so, that Alex had to run across the street to steal some sticks from the neighbors yard to get the fire going.



Good times! Oh! And just because it looked cool...
Sadie with crazy eyes.

You had to have known this was coming.

Yes, I'm going there. The boobs, both boobs, and nothing but the boobs. [Sorry, no pictures of my boobs included in this post.]


So we have started this whole weaning-off-the-boob-switching-to-formula thingy, and oh my god, do my boobs hurt!!!

They are no longer going through this draining-refilling process because I'm so done with nursing. And in Jack's defense, he's taking it really well. He's got no problems taking a bottle of formula or eating his cereal and mush 3x a day. He still nuzzles looking for something, but its in vain, 'cause he's not getting any. So I think I'm on day 2 or 3 where I haven't actually nursed once... and wow, does it hurt. They are so sensitive and they actually ache- just like they did when I first gave birth to Jack [and Dylan] and the milk took its sweet time coming in. A week later, my chest was gi-normous and once the wind blows the wrong way I'm crippled over in pain. Awesome.

For the first time in 5 months I went bra-less to bed last night [okay, yea you didn't need to know, but I don't really care] with no leakage problems. I get up, get my morning cup o joe, take the dog out, talk to the hubby - this is all a mere 5-10 minutes of being out of bed- and I'm leaking like a fucking gardening hose!!!! What the hell is going on here? Is the wind blowing the wrong way? Does the sound of Fredward's voice make me leak? [Gah! I hope not.]

I dunno, but I don't like it much. On the plus side, my boobs are starting to even out. They were a bit lopsided during the nursing process, because one fills up waaay more than the other. [For you visual freaks, its the right side that gets bigger.] Now that I've stopped, they are becoming more equal in size to one another. Perfect, because I hate being lopsided. I've had big boobs for most of my life, and yea, I'd even say I have a pretty nice rack. Even after two kids, and many years prior to that, going bra-less for two years they still look pretty good. Yea, I was in a hippie-phase for a bit, and for the record, big boobs + bra-less doesn't = good results--- EVER.

Now that I've gotten this off my chest [har har hardy har har] I think the boy wants lunch. As I type this, he's trying to gnaw my arm off. Thanks for reading... if you've made it this far.

There are days

when I don't know whether to laugh or cry, be amused, amazed or downright mortified. Having a teenager in the house is definitely a clusterfuck of emotions. I remember being a teenager... my parents hated me [or so I liked to think], everything I did/said/thought was wrong [sometimes continues to present day], I could do no right, my parents don't know me... yada, yada, yada. And yet, here I am, typing away on my bliggity-blog, eventually posting this to my facey-spaces, realizing that these "issues" have come full circle.

I like to say that I am a very private person, and no one single person knows everything there is to know about me. I always preferred solitude, and still do, much to the disappointment of my husband & kids. I do just fine at parties, and yet, I still like the privacy oneness gives me. There is something so satisfying, and yes, selfish, about alone time.

There really is no where in particular that I am going with this post, other that pointing out this observation to you, dear reader. Oh, and the fact that my eldest son likes to think he's a "G" every now and then. This.... :grins: this boy will eat the icky chocolate eggs left from Easter just to get the colored foil so he can make his "grill".


Yep. :sigh: That's my boy!

*Free Therapy*

ah..... the smell of fresh paint on canvas.

Its almost as good as the adrenaline rush that you get from exercise. The burn of your muscles... that strong feeling- as though your body could take on the world & come out on top.... THAT will be next. Therapy for me = painting & exercise. Both of which I've neglected for too long. Time to bring out the bike & start getting outside more.

-->But Jessica, what the hell are you talking about?<--

Umm, well, if you've been living under a rock, see the post from Thursday to catch up. It appears minor but I swear- I was thisclose to having a major meltdown. But I'm better now. Diligence, apparently, is the key.

Welcome to my life.

Priceless

Fred shaved his & Dylan's head today.

"Dylan, go get the vacuum and vacuum up all the hair on the floor in the bathroom."

:Dylan goes to get the vacuum, takes it into the bathroom:
:I can hear him pushing the buttons on it:

"Mom, the vacuum doesn't work anymore!"

:I get up from my perch in the living room to check, & sure enough:

"Dylan, you need to plug it in!"

:Fredward & I dissolve into giggle fits in the living room:

"OOOhhh!"

Its goo time!

Yes, goo. What is coming out of his mouth is the goo left over after he's "eaten" his first rice cereal. It looks like a cross between puke and formula. No chunks, just a bunch of drooled cereal.

He was all "eh, eww.. I dunno about this..."
But like a good little birdie, he opened up again...


Gramma was ecstatic to see him eat cereal for the first time.

Needless to say it went better the second time. I swear he ate, but I don't know how much actually ended up in his mouth.

Seriously? Who bites people on the nose?

This guy.



Can I have a kiss, honey?

WTF? YOU BIT MY NOSE!!!!!

:tears flow from my eyes due to either the fresh bite on my nose or the horrid stench his ass is fumigating the living room with:


Yea, imagine how it smells in here. He could have very well pinched one off in his shorts. Don't strain yourself by pushing....



What is it honey? Is it scraping you from the inside out? Hee hee hee....



All the, ah- shit, he puts me through, and yea. I still love the guy.


Smooch-worthy, isn't it??? I know, he looks completely surprised by the kiss. He's such a fucker. But, he's my little fucker.

Independence day

I realize this is a few days late, but we've been celebrating my eldest son's 13th birthday. He turned 13. The boy is a teenager. :exhales the deep breath I've been holding for 10 years:

Before I go any further: I love you Alex. Happy Birthday.



It came and went with no burns, no fingers lost, and plenty of fun & sunshine for all. I took some cool shots of the fire & some fireworks and sparklers.

Summer is official.

We've been at the beach, playing in the sprinkler, and hiding out in the air conditioning avoiding the fierce glare of the Midwestern intense heat/humidity combo. Jackjack had his first foray into the lake this weekend, swim diaper and all. The kid smelled like sunscreen for two days. I bathed him, I swear.

But he didn't burn, thank goodness. Through my sunglasses, I could have sworn he was a little pink, but that could have just been from being in the water.

Dylan, ever the daredevil when it comes to water, continues his quest to jump off the pier to see how far he can actually go.

This little guy has taught himself how to swim. It totally blows my mind, too. He can hold is breath and swim under water, he wears his goggles, and regularly challenges himself. I am so proud.

Between sleepovers and playtime at friends houses, its actually rare to get all three boys together lately. Never thought that would happen, but I'm grateful it has. It means my kids have friends, and are determined to keep those friendships.

But here they are. And I love them. Look how much they have all changed! My goodness! They are growing and changing on a daily basis. They are getting older, more mature. That doesn't mean I'll admit to getting older. I am, but I refuse to grow up.

I understand. I really do.

We all need a little love and affection these days. We really do. Sometimes though just when you want it, you don't. You want it when you can't have it, and can't have it when you want it. It is frustrating as all hell when your 3 1/2 month old has been 'put to bed' twice but can't be bothered with sleeping at this time of night! NOOOOO!!!! Its time to play! Its time to smile and charm the pants off your already weary and sex -deprived parents!!! aarrrgghh!!!

I swear if the kids weren't so fucking cute.....




.... well, even then I'd have a hard time. I love the little lump o' baby way too much.

Indy And The Jones

Is how my 5 1/2 year old refers to Indiana Jones. It was quite hysterical, because he really thought he was saying it correctly!

Also, my boy- as of today-, CAN RIDE HIS BIKE WITH NO TRAINING WHEELS!

ooh yes!

*for the record, he used to sing along to this song whenever he heard it on the radio. Or whenever he was riding his bike and then he would take his hands off the handlebars, singing 'I can ride my bike with no handlebars, I can ride my bike with no handle bars, no handle bars...'

'Twas awesome, let me tell you.

:background music- Flobots, Handlebars:

Handlebars
i can ride my bike with no handlebars
no handlebars
no handlebars

i can ride my bike with no handlebars
no handlebars
no handlebars

look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
alive
and i'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
i can show you how to do-si-do
i can show you how to scratch a record
i can take apart the remote control
and i can almost put it back together
i can tie a knot in a cherry stem
i can tell you about leif ericson
i know all the words to "de colores"
and "i'm proud to be an american"
me and my friend saw a platypus
me and my friend made a comic book
and guess how long it took
i can do anything that i want cuz, look:

i can keep rhythm with no metronome
no metronome
no metronome

and i can see your face on the telephone
on the telephone
on the telephone

look at me
look at me
just called to say that it's good to be
alive
in such a small world
i'm all curled up with a book to read
i can make money open up a thrift store
i can make a living off a magazine
i can design an engine sixty four
miles to a gallon of gasoline
i can make new antibiotics
i can make computers survive aquatic conditions
i know how to run a business
[ Flobots Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
i can make you wanna buy a product
movers shakers and producers
me and my friends understand the future
i see the strings that control the systems
i can do anything with no assistance
cuz i can lead a nation with a microphone
with a microphone
with a microphone
and i can split the atoms of a molecule
of a molecule
of a molecule

look at me
look at me
driving and i won't stop
and it feels so good to be
alive and on top
my reach is global
my tower secure
my cause is noble
my power is pure
i can hand out a million vaccinations
or let'em all die from exasperation
have'em all healed from their lacerations
have'em all killed by assassination
i can make anybody go to prison
just because i don't like'em and
i can do anything with no permission
i have it all under my command
because i can guide a missile by satellite
by satellite
by satellite
and i can hit a target through a telescope
through a telescope
through a telescope
and i can end the planet in a holocaust
in a holocaust
in a holocaust
in a holocaust
in a holocaust
in a holocaust

i can ride my bike with no handlebars
no handlebars
no handlebars

i can ride my bike with no handlebars
no handlebars
no handlebars

Getting rid of chipmunks 101

I can pour gasoline in its hole & start it on fire.
-wha-?
I could shoot it.
-yea, get your gun & go shoot that damn thing. It keeps eating my strawberries!
I can't shoot it, I don't have a scope on it anymore
--Use the iron sights on your gun!
My gun doesn't have the iron sites! You should let me use your pellet gun dad.
--I'm not letting you use my gun! You wouldn't even be able to hit the damn thing!
I'd try!
--The last time I let you use my pellet gun you didn't hit a damn thing! And you were shooting at everything!
Its not my fault that you actually hit the first bird you shot at!
--You need to practice more!

:[--]Fred and Alex proceed to tell me the story about the time Fred took Alex out to practice shooting Fred's pellet gun. Fred goes, 'Oh, look I'll shoot the bird.' and actually hits the bird. A flock flies by and Alex didn't hit a one. Then there is a dispute on when this actually happened- was it 2 years ago as Fred says, or was it when Alex says he was 6?:


No it was when I was in grade school.
--No, it was 2 years ago!
Well then I was 8!

:for the record, Alex is 12. He'll be 13 in July.:

-wha-?
I'll just go get my shot gun.
-wha?
--You can't go using a shot gun to kill a freaking chipmunk! You'll blast big holes in everything!
Noo, I'll just use birdshot. Wonder what Bob would say?
-wha-?
I could use a blowtorch.
-YOU ARE NOT USING A BLOWTORCH ON SOMETHING THAT IS WITHIN 6 FEET OF THIS HOUSE!!!!!


:For the record, no chipmunks were harmed during the course of this discussion.

But if those little fuckers keep eating my strawberries, they will be!:

Do you really need TWO eyebrows?

Alex: "Dylan, can I shave one of your eyebrows?"
Dylan: "NOOO!"



Well, as it turns out, no eyebrows were lost during the shaving of Dylan's head. Alex did, however, have an awesome time stopping at various points during the haircut telling Dylan he was "done". He experimented with stripes.....


.... and a teeny tiny little tuft of hair left behind, just to see if he'd notice.



He noticed.

So I had a crazy ass dream.....

....that I should start a blog about the odd things that happen in my life. I have another blog, Accomplished Anything? that I've devoted to my art. Art is the other part of my life, the main focus is on my children and husband. I am a proud mom to three boys: Alex, Dylan and Jack. I am excited about this blog, as I've dreamt about this. [BTW, the dream turned out good. Somehow Rob Pattinson was involved in said dream. Like I said, it was fabulous.]

Visiting my girlfriend [I can call her that now; we've swapped kid stories & bonded over chocolate chip cookie dough] this afternoon to de-stress [read: keep the kids occupied with one another]. They were in & out, jumping on the trampoline, swinging on the swings, playing with the hose, splashing in the kiddie pool. Ten minutes into pool time, "MOM! JACOB PEED IN THE POOL!!!" Both of us being mothers of 3 boys each, I immediately burst into laughter and she goes to get the soap!!! After adding a slide, we christened it the boy wash, rather than auto wash. Reminds me a bit o' Dr. Seuss: "come on down, we have the only gak boy wash in town!" Really though, how much harm can a little pee come between you and 50+ gallons of water?

FLARP made an appearance the other day, courtesy of another girlfriend. As I stated on her facebook wall, "

I must tell you: the appearance of the flarp on our stairs was enthusiastically welcomed, and the atmosphere of noise hasn't stopped since."

Highly entertaining indeed. Dylan played with said FLARP all last evening, and all this morning- "Mom, this one is you!" :giggles: "This one is dad!" :more giggles: "Aw, this one is Alex!" :squealing giggles: "This one is Sadie!" [Sadie is our dog] :hysterics: So the hubby tells me over our morning cup of coffee, "See honey? Farts are funny!" as Dylan continues, between squeals of laughter, to name off whose farts are now coming out of the FLARP container & its contents.

*Fish Story*
Well, its more of a fishing story, since it doesn't actually involve the fish themselves. Fredward and Alex went fishing this evening and they were telling me their stories from tonight's trip. Among them, were Fred's attempts at getting female passersby to "show their tatas" [he really likes to embarrass Alex like this]. No one did, of course, but its still funny. After telling me about the fish they both caught & saw , Fred, my wonderful and often entertaining husband, proceeds to tell me that he took a couple swigs of water. On the second swig, he gargles it. Alex asked him why he did so. As Alex proceeds to take a drink of juice, Fredward says he gargled because his penis was itchy. Alex nearly shoots juice through his nose, and regurgitated all of his juice back into its container.

Morals? Yea, I've got nothing. Laughter? Oh boy, I've got tons. Why don't you sit right round here, and listen to the FLARP. It really is quite funny!