Ode to a Poor Lamenting Soul

Oh for the love of all things holy. And blue. And wrapped in camouflage, run over with cars and trampled through mud.

Affixed with Nerf guns, pellet guns, matchbox cars and a multitude of transformers that can only be transformed because you saved the directions. Thankfully.

I am so glad... :exhales sharply: ...that I have sons. Boys. You know; play-in-the-dirt, blast 'em, rock 'em-sock'em wrestling matches, nonstop discussions about balls, farts, penises and the increasingly common only-because-you-did-it-to-yourself-completely-overdone-grampa-pants-which-has-now-turned-into-something-I've-coined-as 'Man-toe'. Think on that for a minute.

Yep, that would be the male version of the female counterpart: 'camel toe'.

All of that nonsense and foolishness I can handle. Its nuts, stupid and supremely funny at times, and other times, its annoying, so I feign the need for 'girl time'. I don't really have to fake it. I do need it. Just a smidgen. I call my girls. You are loved, and you know who you are.

What I cannot handle:

7 year old girls crying over the band-aid that has fallen off of her 1/4" cut on her hand. That she got like 2 days ago. OMG!!! It still HURTS!!!!!

And the waterworks come on.... and on.... and on... and OMFG WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO STOP?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Backstory:

I volunteer one day per week at Dylan's school. I help out in the class room, as needed, keeping the kidlets on track moving from center to center, making sure they stay on track with their 'required' centers. Some kids are great- they get down to work right away- makes my time volunteering a breeze. Some kids need a little nudging and often encouragement. And then there are those few... those select few -you teachers know EXACTLY what I am talking about here- who you seriously want to slap and or shake the shit out of. Those would be the drama queens.



{OH LOOK! I'M A POOR, LAMENTING SOUL!} NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY WITH ME! WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE .... OH, LOOK AT MY SCAR! MY [INSERT BODY PART HERE] HURTS!!!!! I [WHINE] HAVE NO FRIENDS! WHINE WHINE WHINE



Sidebar:
For fucks sake, our teaching staff does not get paid nearly enough to deal with this bullshit on a daily basis. Fredward thinks I don't have a heart. [There is more to that, but that is another time] I just don't have the patience- nor the tolerance level- to deal with 'OMG, I'm injured/I hurt myself 3 days ago... I'm still in pain & did i mention I'm 7???' No. Can't do it. Won't do it. I have a window. A very small window. You [said child] have a very short window of opportunity to plead your case & extract sympathies from me.

Let's say 5 minutes, shall we? And you had better pray to your all mighty that I am feeling sympathetic that day, because I might just grant you the full Five Minutes. If I'm not, I'm over your problems in like 2 minutes. And you had better be too. I don't have time to coddle you for an hour [like someone's little princess this morning], and sit you in my lap, pet your hair and put my full attention on you. Uh... in case you haven't noticed, the sun, nor the earth revolve around YOU. They don't revolve around me either, so deal with it. Time to suck it up, work through the pain [real, imagined or exaggerated] and get over it. Show's over folks! Move on.

Back to the Back story:

Okay, so I helped out in Dylan's class today, and yes, there was a little girl who was going on & on & on about this cut. I got her a replacement band aid, kissed the area [her palm], offered to go home & get my knives to cut off her hand, hell- I even flicked the wound for good measure. The flicking apparently set off the waterworks, because you know it just hurts so much!!! And then I was forced to deal with this girl who then would not get to work- or basically work period once I entered the class [before the flicking & the threatening to cut off the appendage. Seriously, with boys, I at least get a smile, if not a giggle at the thought of me wielding a knife to cut off their hands.]. She kept arguing with a boy, who happened to follow her from station to station [in her defense, he wouldn't let up either]. I think they were in the same reading group, but whatever. So I wander around the class, helping kids sound out words, making sure everyone stays on track, picks up after themselves, get them to squirrel out the glue sticks and fallen pencils from under the table checking in on everyone. The entire hour- whining, distracted, and eventually the tears from this little girl. I asked Dylan when he got home if she finally stopped crying. 'Yea, but it took a long time. Like, she stopped after Music! That's a long time!' Apparently crying over a 1/4 inch paper cut [okay, she cut her hand on the piano, but I digress] and getting over it, can take an entire day. W.T.F.

Let me tell ya; I feel sorry for this girl's parents. Not because she's a whiny first grader. But because she will easily be the hottest girl in class when she's older. She has the most beautiful eyes, and a very charming smile, and she really really needs you. She's going to get her heart broken and she's going to break many of hearts. She's needy and clingy, and wants YOU to focus on her- only her- because if you don't, she won't have a good day! :sad face: Honey, I know you really like when I come to class; I know that Dylan tries to be your friend. You don't have to try and monopolize my attention while I am in your class though. YOU are special- I'm sure your parents have told you; you along with EVERYONE ELSE in your class. I know one day she'll probably read this, because nothing gets erased off the Internets, but I don't care. I didn't mention her name anyways. I wouldn't want to call her [or her parents] out on the world wide weird anyways. She'll encounter enough obstacles without my assistance.


For the love of god, she had better not date my kid. Though, if Dylan stays true to his word [I don't even know how to feel about this] he won't have a girlfriend until he's 18. He just doesn't want one until then.

Although, I do believe he eats lunch with her.


I give kudos to the parents who have girls; whether its one or several. My cousin and his wife have 5 - count 'em- FIVE- girls. I certainly don't have the patience for that. My ass would have been locked up in the loony bin YEARS ago, had I birthed a daughter. Can't do fart jokes? I can! Things I can't do: barbies, boobies, dress up [unless I'm shopping for myself], and god-forbid: the dreaded menstrual cycle. No fucking thank you. I had to go through it myself; that was traumatizing enough. Can't do it. I went so far as to have my female dog fixed the moment she was old enough so I didn't have to go through any unplanned pregnancies with her.


No sirree, no girls for me. Thankfully, no more baby(s).

Tame, for me.

Who doesn't love birthday parties? Little kids can be so funny.. especially now, when they are 6 & 7 years old, they are coming into their own skin. Do I promote bad behavior? Nah.. but I do strongly encourage that my kids participate in activities that they LOVE. I was challenged to a scooter race by one of Dylan's friends [he won, totally.] Many thanks to my mom for bringing the waters & to Kevin for bringing the cool fusion scooter [4 wheels & so much fun to ride on!!]

How do you like that Quality Custom Framing? Photo props.... perhaps it'll generate some business for you. Don't forget who sent them your way!!

Ride like the wind, Alex! As cold as it was, it ended up being successful... & Jackjack was out of Mother Nature's cold range, as he slept in Fred's car for nearly the entire party. He decided to get up about 10 minutes before we started packing up. Perfect. He stayed nice & toasty warm, so no sicknesses here. Though, he did take super long naps yesterday [omg, is he growing AGAIN??].

I've been on a major Lady Gaga bender lately [especially since her & Kanye West cancelled the upcoming Fame Kills tour]... & as I'm listening to Poker Face, E-man is all yea, I know this song!! Nothing says awesome better than the kids rocking out to your music!!

Yesterday I was stopped

In the grocery store because of this:

and this:
Apparently my children are adorable enough to provoke sheer strangers to stop me and tell me how beautiful my family is.

It's awesome. I love my kids.

Sighted:

Dylan casually flipping through the pages of new Playboy over breakfast.

Oooops. :sigh:

Shouldn't have left that out... I was reading the interview with Seth McFarlane last night at dinner & forgot to put it away.

For the boy's first Playboy, he should have had a better introduction. Perhaps he'll forget. And then we can re-introduce Playboy when he's older... and he'll be like, oh yea.. I've seen those. You have a STACK IN YOUR ROOM AS TALL AS I AM.

For the record, he refused to tell me what he saw in there. So I doubt he'll speak of it again.

Don't call the authorities.. you know your kids have done it. And mom... don't tell dad. I don't want to hear about how horrible of a mother I am ... I can hear him now-'Why do you even allow that smut into your house? What is wrong with your husband?', etc., etc.

BTW; the subscription is in my name.

Being Blonde

Dylan: 'Mom, can I have some orange juice?'

Me: 'Sure.'

:::I pour him some orange juice, he adds his crazy purple straw.:::

Dylan: 'Mmm, this Orange juice tastes like oranges!'

Me: 'That's because Orange juice is made from oranges.'

Dylan: 'Oooh. Yummy!'

:::sigh:::

Where has the time gone?

I've done my best to put them in order of year. Look how cute & little they looked!!!


There. I Love my boys. Now you know.

{Insert witty comment here}

Since Jack is growing at an incredible pace [anyone who has had a newborn, you know exactly what I am talking about], Dylan wanted to find out just how tall Jack was getting compared to him.



I told him he's just high enough to punch him in the balls.

I was just thinking the other day

I really need to get some more candy. My candy jar is pathetically empty. Its actually Dylan's candy jar, but still. Oftentimes it ends up being more of a community jar than anything. Then he tells me he needs more candy, because its almost gone. I'm all 'What do you mean you need more candy?? I need more candy!!! Psh!'


Yea, that's right. It's a ONE GALLON JAR. At one point this year [I believe it was shortly after Easter] it was actually 3/4 full. Not bad, since we've added & majorly subtracted since. But still. We really don't have much of a selection left. Its pretty pathetic... you'll notice we still have the crappy chocolate Easter eggs... :sigh:

:Segues into new topic:

Who doesn't love a bonfire? How about on a Thursday night? The older boys & I decided to have a fire last night. Fredward has been working 10 hour days so he didn't join us, as he needed to rest his weary head [not to mention his body]. I didn't want to risk Jack-jack being carried off by mosquitoes, so he stayed in. I played a bit with the ISO speed on the camera to capture some of the flamage, so I can use it for further study on drawing/painting flames. Here's a few shots...



*this one is my fave.*


And of course, you can't have fire pictures without mr. Alex, the firebug. I swear, he'll end up being a pyro, just like me. He started the fire & then yelled at Dylan twice because he nearly fell INTO the fire pit [like a ding dong, walking around the stone- you can see its not very sturdy]. Ah, it ended well though. No chocolate, no graham crackers, but we had marshmallows! The 3 of us and the dog each had two marshmallows, un-charred. No big sticks for cooking the marshmallow on, as our yard is encased by PINE TREES. So much so, that Alex had to run across the street to steal some sticks from the neighbors yard to get the fire going.



Good times! Oh! And just because it looked cool...
Sadie with crazy eyes.

*Free Therapy*

ah..... the smell of fresh paint on canvas.

Its almost as good as the adrenaline rush that you get from exercise. The burn of your muscles... that strong feeling- as though your body could take on the world & come out on top.... THAT will be next. Therapy for me = painting & exercise. Both of which I've neglected for too long. Time to bring out the bike & start getting outside more.

-->But Jessica, what the hell are you talking about?<--

Umm, well, if you've been living under a rock, see the post from Thursday to catch up. It appears minor but I swear- I was thisclose to having a major meltdown. But I'm better now. Diligence, apparently, is the key.

Welcome to my life.

Well, let's see here.

Among the many things I am out of, necessary things such as diapers and toilet paper, patience is right at the top of the list.

September cannot come fast enough. School should be year round. And teenage boys should not have PMS. But its the 23rd of July, school isn't year round much to the disappointment of many parents, and oddly enough, teenage boys DO have PMS. Go figure.

Now that I'm a mom of 3 boys, I'm left wondering if I would have better off if they were girls.

I can't believe I scrubbed the paint off.

I'm not usually a girlie girl by any stretch of the imagination, but tonight I indulged myself a little. I painted for the last two days, & even though I washed, I was still covered in paint. I wear it much like a badge of honor... I was am busy painting lately, but I felt really dirty. So I busted out the pumice stone, soaked my feet [they were covered in paint too], and used the stone & some Zest to scrub off the paint on my hands, nails[!!] and feet. It looks better, but reminds me how desperately I need a pedicure. I don't have that kind of patience to do it myself. I'll sit long enough for someone else to do it though ;)

I'll make this short tonight. I've got some design & planning work to do! I'm leaving you with 2 of the 3 cutest kids ever:

Crazy-eyes & Drool face. :swoon:

I'm not bitching, I'm decluttering.

I am so very grateful that I have the work I do right now. Creatively, its keeping me going in between my own paintings. Financially, I'm not going to discuss it. Lets just say Fredward is very happy about my decision to return to work this fall. I am hoping that I am able to keep the creative juices flowing and eventually have enough NEW pieces to hold a show.

:big sigh:

I hope, with the utmost sincerity and skill, that I can complete all of my tasks at hand: 1- the logo for the newest Chapter of Wisconsin Campers Association- the East Troy Area Country Campers. It will be a damn shame and an epic failure if I can't figure it out. I'm getting there; Lorie, don't get stressed. I'm working on it... I've just had a major brain fart & its still a little cloudy in here. I want to make it perfect [because, you know I am ;) ] and easily made printed or embroidered. The making-it-easy-for-embroidery is a little more difficult, but never fear! I've come up with something! I just need to get it on paper, then into the computer. 2- The odd tasks/ creative spots at the Fox residence. I have a lot to do, and trying to do it with a baby whose just started cereal & baby food, is a whole new venture! Its like re-revolving yourself around the baby's schedule... again! Who knew? 3- The scenery for Camp Venture. I did 3/4 of my swamp scene today... & I'm pretty happy with it too! I've got a bit more to do, but I feel that I can get it done. 4- The very random, and very present, ideas that keep presenting themselves as FABULOUS artistic developments. I am extremely intrigued to get them all together, and I sincerely hope I can throw together an art show before the years' end. Which also means I'll have to find a way to get a hotel room with a waterpark, so the kids don't complain about said party.

:inhale. hold. exhale. [yes I'm doing that as I type] repeat.:
:find balance:

My grandparents are still in town, and I'm trying to divide my time between spending it with them, because I don't have much time until their drive back to New Mexico. I wish they would stay here, but I completely respect their decision to go home. Its home. Its been their home for the last 22 years. I can still dream...

I'm a little torn that Dylan has been spending so much time with his friends and not with me. I want to feel really good about it, because that means he has friends, however, he's not home very often and we don't get to do much together :whine- omg, don't I sound pathetic?: I realized tonight that it is not unusual for us to not have any children at home except for the baby lately. Alex has his friends, and between Sam and his grandparents, I hardly see him too.

I can't wait for school to start, because then I'll always know where my kids are [being the same place every day]. I know where they are; I am a good mom- cripes, I don't let the roam the neighborhood, but you know? I feel I could get so much more done with them at that special place, I know and love so much.

Okay I think I'm to the point of rambling, so if you've made it this far, congratulations! You've won the opportunity to gaze at my adorable son.

G'night, everyone.

LOVE

As much as I can, I'm visiting my Grammy while she is here. She & Grampa come north every 4 years or so, and while she is here, she's getting some of her medical issues looked at. We have better medical care here, than they do in New Mexico.


Gramma, me & Jackjack [he's trying to sabotage the camera, he's yanking on the cord.]


<3 So you think I'll look like her when I'm 83? Hope so... she's beautiful.

My African violets. I bought these 3 years ago, when I started working at the hellish call center... they had flowers when I purchased them, and this is the first time in 3 years they have bloomed.

jackjack loves his toes

Oh! And Jackjack is starting the cereal & formula combo... hopefully he'll be weaned by the end of August, so I can go back to work! :he drank a full 4 oz!!!:

Hopefully I'll be back to work by end of August, early September.

Priceless

Fred shaved his & Dylan's head today.

"Dylan, go get the vacuum and vacuum up all the hair on the floor in the bathroom."

:Dylan goes to get the vacuum, takes it into the bathroom:
:I can hear him pushing the buttons on it:

"Mom, the vacuum doesn't work anymore!"

:I get up from my perch in the living room to check, & sure enough:

"Dylan, you need to plug it in!"

:Fredward & I dissolve into giggle fits in the living room:

"OOOhhh!"

Cherry Bombs

Dylan's are when he blasts his 4-square ball way up into the air.

Mine are a little different:



And yes, they were delish.


*sidenote, still practicing with photoshop. I'm learning!

Its goo time!

Yes, goo. What is coming out of his mouth is the goo left over after he's "eaten" his first rice cereal. It looks like a cross between puke and formula. No chunks, just a bunch of drooled cereal.

He was all "eh, eww.. I dunno about this..."
But like a good little birdie, he opened up again...


Gramma was ecstatic to see him eat cereal for the first time.

Needless to say it went better the second time. I swear he ate, but I don't know how much actually ended up in his mouth.