Assessing the Damage

I helped a friend out

2010-09-09T07:16:00.001-07:00

and in return acquired these:

LOVE LOVE LOVE musical instruments! Thank you Steenie <3

Freshly shorn

2010-06-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry dear readers [if you are still out there!] that I have not posted in eons. I have had some personal stuff going on, which I may write about in the future.

BUT!~

Don't despair. Jackjack got his first haircut this week.

Pre-chop, upon being woken up from his nap.

The after. <3 The cuteness. Doesn't he look like an early Alex??

Garden Gnome

2010-04-23T15:13:00.001-07:00

Rocks, eggs, & utter nonsense.

2010-04-05T21:19:00.000-07:00

DUDE!!! My littlest brother is ENGAGED!!!! He came home from some overseas Marine training & popped the question to his lovely girlfriend...

YES! Congratulations Leonard & welcome to the family, Liz! {I get another sister! woot!}

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Easter news... Dylan tried his hardest to find as many eggs as possible at Auntie Jessie's house. Alex got whacked in the balls [accidentally, apparently] by Uncle Dusty, Jack barely napped & Fredward and I ate until we were full. Fredward ate until he was past full, and ready to explode. We got to see Fred & Jessie's dad [Grampa Burnham] & the kidlets were very excited about that. Aunt Joyce got some great photos of the kiddos.. especially Jack & Jill[ian].

Jack & Jill! She's 6 weeks older than jackjack... hopefully these two will get along great.

Here are some that Fredward & I took....

of the boys...

and.. nobody is looking. Typical.

My sister [in-law] Jessie...

and Jackjack's first Easter egg hunt.

Taking an egg snack break.

Playtime with Robert & Alex.

Hope your Easter was just as great!

Attention Stefiny:

2010-03-26T14:29:00.000-07:00

Its been a long minute, hasn't it? I'm sorry; really, I am. I've been busy & caught up in life. While I haven't any stories to share, I do have some impromptu child photos for you. Alex needed pics with him & his brothers for a school project & upon not finding any suitable ones, I orchestrated a quick family [ok, just the boys] photo op.

It was interesting... lets just leave it at that.

:sigh:

For some strange reason, Alex [being the voice of "reason" here] thought that it would be easy to orchestrate this... after all, Dylan & Jack 'pose' for pictures all the time.

See how well that worked out Alex? Yea.

So there you are, Steph [and anyone else who was itching for a cuteness craving].

Happy Valentine's Day.

2010-02-13T21:07:00.000-08:00

I love you, schmoopy-poo.

Ode to a Poor Lamenting Soul

2010-01-28T20:18:00.000-08:00

Oh for the love of all things holy. And blue. And wrapped in camouflage, run over with cars and trampled through mud.

Affixed with Nerf guns, pellet guns, matchbox cars and a multitude of transformers that can only be transformed because you saved the directions. Thankfully.

I am so glad... :exhales sharply: ...that I have sons. Boys. You know; play-in-the-dirt, blast 'em, rock 'em-sock'em wrestling matches, nonstop discussions about balls, farts, penises and the increasingly common only-because-you-did-it-to-yourself-completely-overdone-grampa-pants-which-has-now-turned-into-something-I've-coined-as 'Man-toe'. Think on that for a minute.

Yep, that would be the male version of the female counterpart: 'camel toe'.

All of that nonsense and foolishness I can handle. Its nuts, stupid and supremely funny at times, and other times, its annoying, so I feign the need for 'girl time'. I don't really have to fake it. I do need it. Just a smidgen. I call my girls. You are loved, and you know who you are.

What I cannot handle:

7 year old girls crying over the band-aid that has fallen off of her 1/4" cut on her hand. That she got like 2 days ago. OMG!!! It still HURTS!!!!!

And the waterworks come on.... and on.... and on... and OMFG WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO STOP?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Backstory:

I volunteer one day per week at Dylan's school. I help out in the class room, as needed, keeping the kidlets on track moving from center to center, making sure they stay on track with their 'required' centers. Some kids are great- they get down to work right away- makes my time volunteering a breeze. Some kids need a little nudging and often encouragement. And then there are those few... those select few -you teachers know EXACTLY what I am talking about here- who you seriously want to slap and or shake the shit out of. Those would be the drama queens.

{OH LOOK! I'M A POOR, LAMENTING SOUL!} NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY WITH ME! WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE .... OH, LOOK AT MY SCAR! MY [INSERT BODY PART HERE] HURTS!!!!! I [WHINE] HAVE NO FRIENDS! WHINE WHINE WHINE

Sidebar:
For fucks sake, our teaching staff does not get paid nearly enough to deal with this bullshit on a daily basis. Fredward thinks I don't have a heart. [There is more to that, but that is another time] I just don't have the patience- nor the tolerance level- to deal with 'OMG, I'm injured/I hurt myself 3 days ago... I'm still in pain & did i mention I'm 7???' No. Can't do it. Won't do it. I have a window. A very small window. You [said child] have a very short window of opportunity to plead your case & extract sympathies from me.

Let's say 5 minutes, shall we? And you had better pray to your all mighty that I am feeling sympathetic that day, because I might just grant you the full Five Minutes. If I'm not, I'm over your problems in like 2 minutes. And you had better be too. I don't have time to coddle you for an hour [like someone's little princess this morning], and sit you in my lap, pet your hair and put my full attention on you. Uh... in case you haven't noticed, the sun, nor the earth revolve around YOU. They don't revolve around me either, so deal with it. Time to suck it up, work through the pain [real, imagined or exaggerated] and get over it. Show's over folks! Move on.

Back to the Back story:

Okay, so I helped out in Dylan's class today, and yes, there was a little girl who was going on & on & on about this cut. I got her a replacement band aid, kissed the area [her palm], offered to go home & get my knives to cut off her hand, hell- I even flicked the wound for good measure. The flicking apparently set off the waterworks, because you know it just hurts so much!!! And then I was forced to deal with this girl who then would not get to work- or basically work period once I entered the class [before the flicking & the threatening to cut off the appendage. Seriously, with boys, I at least get a smile, if not a giggle at the thought of me wielding a knife to cut off their hands.]. She kept arguing with a boy, who happened to follow her from station to station [in her defense, he wouldn't let up either]. I think they were in the same reading group, but whatever. So I wander around the class, helping kids sound out words, making sure everyone stays on track, picks up after themselves, get them to squirrel out the glue sticks and fallen pencils from under the table checking in on everyone. The entire hour- whining, distracted, and eventually the tears from this little girl. I asked Dylan when he got home if she finally stopped crying. 'Yea, but it took a long time. Like, she stopped after Music! That's a long time!' Apparently crying over a 1/4 inch paper cut [okay, she cut her hand on the piano, but I digress] and getting over it, can take an entire day. W.T.F.

Let me tell ya; I feel sorry for this girl's parents. Not because she's a whiny first grader. But because she will easily be the hottest girl in class when she's older. She has the most beautiful eyes, and a very charming smile, and she really really needs you. She's going to get her heart broken and she's going to break many of hearts. She's needy and clingy, and wants YOU to focus on her- only her- because if you don't, she won't have a good day! :sad face: Honey, I know you really like when I come to class; I know that Dylan tries to be your friend. You don't have to try and monopolize my attention while I am in your class though. YOU are special- I'm sure your parents have told you; you along with EVERYONE ELSE in your class. I know one day she'll probably read this, because nothing gets erased off the Internets, but I don't care. I didn't mention her name anyways. I wouldn't want to call her [or her parents] out on the world wide weird anyways. She'll encounter enough obstacles without my assistance.

For the love of god, she had better not date my kid. Though, if Dylan stays true to his word [I don't even know how to feel about this] he won't have a girlfriend until he's 18. He just doesn't want one until then.

Although, I do believe he eats lunch with her.

I give kudos to the parents who have girls; whether its one or several. My cousin and his wife have 5 - count 'em- FIVE- girls. I certainly don't have the patience for that. My ass would have been locked up in the loony bin YEARS ago, had I birthed a daughter. Can't do fart jokes? I can! Things I can't do: barbies, boobies, dress up [unless I'm shopping for myself], and god-forbid: the dreaded menstrual cycle. No fucking thank you. I had to go through it myself; that was traumatizing enough. Can't do it. I went so far as to have my female dog fixed the moment she was old enough so I didn't have to go through any unplanned pregnancies with her.

No sirree, no girls for me. Thankfully, no more baby(s).

dog pillow

2010-01-25T10:09:00.001-08:00

Exhibit A [circa 2007]:

Exhibit B [circa 2010]:

On to the next one

2010-01-16T20:58:00.001-08:00

Its been a minute, hasn't it? Sorry folks, for keeping you waiting. I've been a little preoccupied for a bit.

:Reads own blog to see where I'd left off:

Ah yes. Holidays! They were wonderful, awkward and delicious; just as they are every year. The kidlets received the gifts they wanted this year- which, as any parent knows, is immensely difficult. The eldest received the ca$h he so badly wanted to use toward purchasing one of the few remaining golf clubs he needs to finish the set. My mommy's boy* [more on that in a minute] received the ultimate bad-ass transformer: devastator! RAWR!!! It's only the coolest transformer ever... its 5 separate transformer that turn into one!! OMG!!! I've only been hearing about this damn transformer since last year. :exhales: Thanks :) And the baby monster got all sorts of toys he has absolutely no interest in. He's mobile now, so he loves to crawl & pull up on whatever he can to walk around. His favorite things to play with are diapers, Tupperware [natch], and the t/v remote when he can get a hold of it. He likes to remove the batteries & then crawl around the living room with them in his fists. And if you should catch him, he crawls as fast as he can away from you. Such a little shyster.

warning: cuteness ahead.

Some recent pics [recent being the last week or so]...

We went to the World of Wheels & saw this car & it just screamed Alex. I insisted he take a picture with it.

Jack jack has discovered the joy of eating fresh fruit! He really loves applesauce, and now that he has four little chicklets!, I've been giving him more 'people' food. I peeled an apple & gave it to him to gnaw on..

... & he was soo excited to have it!

ah... Dylan. He woke me up this morning after a botched attempt at a sleepover [mommy issues- he missed me!]- and told me he wanted to call over there right away. Apparently there was going to be some temporary hair dye action& he was all about being a part of it.

In case you can't see; Dylan's hair & 1/2 blue & 1/2 purple. E-man's is green. AWESOMELY green. This boy has naturally super dark brown hair, so it was a feat for Erin, I'm sure of it- to get it that color.

**Topic Change: Mommy's boy**

But first, a sidebar:

Now, earlier in the school year Dylan came home & told me that the wrestling coaches came in & he was all excited because he got to wrestle a second-grader!! whoa! I know. Dylan + Wrestling= ???? , you ask? Yea, I know. But he was excited. He seemed excited.. and then the excitement started to wain. I tried to get him excited about it.. practice started in the beginning of December. He was just not having it. He tried for a month or so, but sometime between those last practices & after Christmas vacation, he was totally having an issue. I tried a wrestling clinic, to help pique his interest, perhaps learn some skills- but no. We did kids' club night, but his heart wasn't in it. He really wanted to quit. I had him tell coach & the coach tried to talk him out of it. I tried to talk him out of it. Other parents- and some of his friends- tried to talk him out of it, but he remained firm on his decision. He quit wrestling after a month. And yes, I let him. I'm not going to force it upon him, as I would force him to try a new vegetable. I tried, several times, and he did not like it. And that is okay. Maybe in a couple of years he'll be interested in it again, but then again, maybe not.

Dylan is a mommy's boy through and through. He'll freely admit it; whenever I'm not around, he asks whomever he is with- Where's Mom? When is my Mom going to be here? I miss my Mom. When is Mom coming home?

Those last few times at wrestling practice- he was under the impression that Fred or I were going to forget him or leave him at practice. He freaked out one evening [when I happened to be staying for a parent meeting] and was escorted out of the gym in hysterics, crying and saying he missed his mom. And here I am, walking back inside, magazine in hand. I got him to finish the last 10 minutes of practice that day after pleading, consoling, cajoling, and any other method I could think of to get him back in there. No dice. The boy hasn't wrestled since. I did take him to practice once, but that was the day he told coach he wanted out.

So- the sleepover. He's slept at E-man's house several times before, but I had the feeling. You just know- that feeling; I was actually waiting for the call. I knew, shortly after I dropped him off, that I would be getting a phone call: Dylan wants his mom! Awwww!!! And I did... 11pm or so... 'Dylan is crying & says he misses his mom!' No prob- I go out & pick him up- he's only 5 minutes from home & I invited him to sit in the front seat on the ride home. We snuggled on the couch together & fell asleep. We made brownies when I came home from work this evening, too.

I think he's been going through some serious mommy withdrawls since Jack jack has came around. Jack & Dylan are totally different kids at that stage; for example- Jack is totally at ease with his sitters, and Dylan still freaked out that I was leaving him in the care of someone else. Even if its Fredward; Jack could care less & I'm the only one good enough for Dylan. Oh well. I love him dearly, but I do hope it's just a phase! I tried so hard to instill independence, but sometimes I guess they just need mom.

Welcome to a New Year.

2010-01-02T12:30:00.001-08:00

It's 2010. I've resolved to make a better life for myself and my family, no matter how many hours I have to work, how many jobs I have to work, or how little sleep I get. I will continue to create art & self-promote. I want to make as much $$ as I can to pay off that damn student loan, pay off Fred's loan, and be able to take a vacation.

Finally.

Or perhaps, a honeymoon?

[WHAT?! you say?? I know, we've been married for 6 years & haven't taken a honeymoon. I, - er-, We blame the kids.]

Any-who, to properly usher in the New Year, here are some cute pics of my kids!!

Happy Christmas...

2009-12-24T14:08:00.000-08:00

I started out putting unbreakable ornaments on the bottom part of our tree years ago, when kitty & all his peskiness would knock them off the tree. A few years ago, I tied together bells & hung those from the lower branches, so they would jingle when he brushed up underneath them.

Jack has discovered the bells, & he pulls those off the tree along with the other unbreakable ornaments. Its okay- they are unbreakable for that purpose. Well, him & kitty. The ornament in the lower left hand corner [above photo] was an ornament he really wanted off the tree, because he wouldn't stop yanking on the branches [apparently this was an ornament I didn't want him to have because I bent the branch so it would stay on]. I was doing dishes, a mere 8 feet away around the corner, when I hear CRRAAASSSHHH!!!

I rush over, only to find the baby monster pulling himself out from underneath the tree- NO SCRATCHES, NO TEARS, NOT EVEN A DAMN PEEP OUT OF HIM!!!!

Because of all the destruction he caused, I had several ornament casualties- more than I've had in YEARS!!! Also, the [fake] tree will no longer stand upright on its own. Santa has taken his new place underneath the tree, assisting in the upright condition of said tree. It will be meeting the graveyard- aka, my garbage can- not to far off in the near future.

Sorry Mom [-inlaw], but you won't be getting this bad boy for your yard.

Lawn fairy. [sorry, no pictures of this one]

2009-12-21T07:17:00.000-08:00

Well, I signed Dylan up for wrestling in hopes that he gets over his fears and becomes a stronger person. I hope it builds character, teaches respect [respect of others, respect of self, etc] and shows Dylan just how much your actual body is capable of. Yesterday I took him & my nephew [a fellow first year wrestler, though he's in 5th grade] to a wresting clinic for skill development. Andrew [my nephew] kicked some serious ass, including his own. He was huffing & puffing and really giving it his all. Trying to learn moves and master the fine art of the walrus walk. Dylan- I love this boy dearly and I pray to god that this is just a phase- found another like-minded first grader, and pranced around similar to [for lack of a better description] a fairy pixie horse {Thank you, Alex the lion/Madagascar}. Not saying he didn't try; he did. But he tried with his definitely-a-first-grader effort. Looking around the room, rolling around on the mat, falling over or falling down when supposed to be wrestling. He reminds me of Sadie; when there is another dog in the area, she gets so excited and to prove that she's harmless, will immediately roll onto her back to show the dog how submissive she is. Dylan was like that yesterday; he fell down to show that he's a nice kid, not a tough guy. I didn't know whether to yell [it was free, so no $ lost] to hang my head [every time he went down intentionally instead of wrestling,] or to walk away. Its so hard to watch... I just want to go out there, scream 'PAY ATTENTION!!!' while shaking the living crap out of him. I don't know if he knows that in wrestling, the object is not to be the one to get pinned or held down. When he plays with Alex he's always the one getting pinned down, so I've no idea.

I've had a similar experience when he played soccer at 4 years old. The boy was then, and is now, really unfocused. Back then, he picked out the kids who had no interest in the ball, but rather a renewed interest in the blades of grass and the flowers growing between them. He'd pick flowers, twirl around, spinning at just the right time to watch the ball go whizzing past him, while looking after it, going, "WHOA! Did you see that?? That ball almost hit me!!" He would then proceed to show the other lawn fairy what it would have looked like, had he been hit with aforementioned ball.

:sigh:

I love him, but someone please tell me its just a phase.

Snow Day [the first of many for] 2009?

2009-12-09T07:18:00.000-08:00

No more summer until... well, summer. My last remnant of summer hanging and chiming with the snow fall...

It has been snowing profusely since last night... we are well over 24 hours at this point & really, its showing no signs of wanting to let up either.

Sadie has been outside with the boys for the last hour & apparently does not want to be inside. She keeps running from window to window trying to see or get outside. When she's outside, she keeps running up & down the stairs, as though she wants to come in, but doesn't.

The boys told me that they want to make a better hill. So what better way than to fill up a garbage can with snow & get to work on it???

This is half of the snow sliding off the roof... the other half Alex knocked down with the shovel.

Ah yes. Gots to love the snow days!! woot!!

9 Months old, yesterday

2009-11-28T13:42:00.000-08:00

:le sigh: My littlest boy is growing up so fast! He's crawling everywhere & pulling himself up... pretty soon he'll be walking!

Overheard

2009-11-28T11:08:00.001-08:00

We were discussing the possibility of cutting down our own tree this year. We will usually go cut one down, tie it precariously to the top of the car, & enjoy some hot chocolate in the freezing cold. Normally it snows THE DAY we want to go & get said tree. A good, albeit cold, time is had by all. This will be Jack's first Christmas, so we'll see.

Dylan, Alex & Jackjack are in the backseat. Dylan pipes up saying he wants one that we 'put together ourselves'. Last year, Dylan helped me sort out all of the branches, put it together, and assisted in the placement of the ornaments. Usually a good half-a day production; with the sorting & arranging, and lighting.

He told Alex, "Santa didn't know! He still brought us presents!"

I just can't stand it anymore.

2009-11-05T08:49:00.000-08:00

Cuteness this obscene should be illegal... then I would have the perfect excuse to be an outlaw.

In other news, Dylan's lip is healing quite nicely. He took a rather nasty fall at his friends' house last weekend, & came home with a giant fat lip. T-minus ONE DAY until we leave for Wisconsin Dells; we'll be staying at the Wilderness & watching Alex play some 8th grade championship football-- WOOT!!!

Gave jackjack a bath today & among all of his cuteness, he came up with this on his own.... I had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. I SWEAR. I was lucky enough to grab the camera in time, because I had just shut it off to start packing the toiletry bag & I look over to find this:

Now, doesn't he look like Fredward with the bubble goatee & bubble-baby-chest-hair??

Have a great weekend, everyone!! I'll post following our wins [hopefully!].

Happy Halloween... a day late.

2009-11-02T06:24:00.000-08:00

In the interest of all things entertaining, I'll give you lots of pics of my kids; including several of Jack-jack, who had a mini fashion show of his various & assorted costumes. That is to come.

Over the beginning of the weekend, Dylan one-upped his brother & face-planted off a ramp while riding his scooter. [Backstory: In case you didn't know, Alex flew over his handlebars on his bike over the summer, landing on his arm & prompting a late night trip to urgent care which was closed, and an early am visit to the doc office, only to determine that he landed on his arm. Nothing broken. Tragedy averted, as he had just started football practice.]

This was the next day... I felt pretty bad for him. His lip was so pouffed out it looked like he had a duck bill. The swelling has been going down, thankfully & the lip has been healing nicely with twice daily applications of triple antibiotic ointment. Good thing he was already missing his front teeth, or those would have fallen out upon impact. He bruised his gum & upper lip pretty good- its actually purple where his tooth would have been.

On to the costumes!!!

tiger [Dylan wore this at 1 yr old. .. he'd just started walking]

Jack in the box. Yes this was an option, but it was too freaking cold. Perhaps another year.
Jack the bear... the bear head wouldn't stay up. He wasn't feeling this one.

Dylan & E-man.

alex.
alex [gangsta], sam [jason] & dylan [tony hawk]

the boys.

the winning costume: a little devil. How appropriate. :)

Just a thank you to the neighbors who decided Jack's parents need candy too!!! I love you for that!!!

Seriously? He can't be yet. OMG!! Ah Well.

2009-10-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

dylan's weak stomach [thank you carol]
seen & heard: Several attempts to get Dylan to carve pumpkins for Halloween. He always thought it was gross & he wouldn't touch the pumpkin guts. So this year, thinking because he's older it will be different, wasn't really any different!! Oh what was I thinking? Child [who gags when the cat vomits in the general vicinity] o' mine, O' child o' mine. I got some rubber gloves for him, thinking the texture might be too much.

Meh.

I tried getting him to look away while reaching in & grabbing a handful of pumpkin guts. Not so much!

:sigh:

I ended up carving the damn pumpkin. I really didn't want to. Believe it or not, digging out a pumpkins innards & taking a scapula to the exterior of said pumpkin is not high on my list of favorite things to do. I fully enjoy gutting a pie pumpkin, only to fill it with spices & bake it until its mushy then commence with the homemade pumpkin pie making. That I enjoy. Carving?

That stuff is for kids.

Jack is thismuch closer to crawling

Shortly after I caught this footage, he was on the opposite side of the living room, rocking back & forth on all fours. Naturally I couldn't get the memory card dumped in time, so I was unable to capture it, as my card was full. I so need a 1-gig [or higher!] SD memory card right now.

Bonus: Alex was bumped up to play at the RCA dome in Wisconsin Dells.
Alex had an opportunity to play a two game tournament at the RCA dome [now the Wisconsin Dells Center]. He was passed over, although he worked really super hard. The team reserved a block of rooms at the Wilderness Resort which has its own indoor water parks. [Yes, plural] We received a phone call from his coach tonight- Another player had to drop out; Alex was next on the list. Would he like to play? Made some phone calls to Alex & yea- he's in!

Downside- Fredward had to cancel the plans he made for my birthday, because we'll be in the dells. The sole reason he claims to never make plans- they never go through. Case in Point.

But, we'll be in the dells. At a Water park! Watching football!! At least I know what I'm doing for my birthday celebration.. & I'm pretty excited about it.

Lady Luck is pissing in my pond.

2009-10-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

If lady bugs are supposed to be lucky, are they holding a conference in my kitchen right now to decide on how much luck I actually get? Must they crawl through the cracks in the window sills, and just 'hang out' on any unsuspecting glass just sitting on the counter? Or dive bomb me, Pearl Harbor- style, as I walk up my stairs? Anywho, just have your little meeting while I sit here wondering how long it will be before you decide to join my food on the stove & spoil a perfectly good meal.

Did you ever have a ladybug in your glass or food & not notice it until you TASTED it?? OOOhhh, it is all sorts of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Did I mention that Dylan used to be TERRIFIED of lady bugs as a kid? TERRIFIED!! Of Ladybugs!!

:Warning--> Topic change <--ahead:

Moving right along. So here I sit, heating pad attached firmly to my ass & shooting pain straight down my left leg. I've got a big glass of water [quart mason jars are the only water glasses big enough for me], 2 books on yoga & various poses for optimum health, and a healthy respect for pain medicines.

Case in point: Last week [?] I was having some major wrist irritation. Irritation turned to pain, pain turned into throbbing the moment I woke up. So after much deliberation, I decided to take some pain meds that I had leftover from when I had Jack. Its 1030ish by the time I've made this decision. I've gone about my normal morning routine: get some coffee, feed the boy, get more coffee, put the boy down for a nap, facebook/internets. Did you see breakfast? Yea, its not in there. The moment I opened the hatch & let the liquid slide down my throat I could feel it hit my stomach, and looking around, saying- "Nothing's here! Time to par-tay!!" Holy fucking hell, batman. So I, like an idiot, decide upon getting something into my stomach. 'A bowl of cereal should be sufficient.', I think to myself. Apparently I'm already high by this point, because I decided upon Crispix, which has about as much substance as Chex. Yea, there isn't any!!! I'm good for oh, about an hour, & then I really feel it kick in. Apparently the medicine brought friends & turned my stomach into a mosh pit! I decide to lay down. Cancel the afternoon plans with girlfriends. Jack is napping at this point, so he's safe. He wakes up. Shit. I'll be okay.. just stay close to the ground. Which I do... until he needs to eat. I fix him his baby mush & container of peas... & as I am holding the peas at arms length away from my face, I realize there is no way in fucking hell I can do this. Cue the reinforcements. Fredward wasn't going to be home until 530 at the earliest & all of my neighbors were gone. [Yes, I know they were gone, because I can see their driveways from my house. No cars = no neighbors.] I called my mom, with the highest of hopes [shut up] that she would be home early. She said she'd be off work in an hour. I can hold it together that long, just PLEASE COME GET THE BOY. She arrives to find me in Dylan's bed, blankets over my head & nauseated as all hell, trying to get Jack to get some sleep in his bed. My strategy clearly wasn't working so she scoops him up & takes him home with her for a few hours. Dylan is home by this point! He's pretty self-sufficient, & declined the offer to go to Gramma's for a couple of hours. He kept an eye on me & answered the phone when Fredward called.

Moral: 1 dose = 1 Tbsp of that shit-also-known-as-liquid-hydrocodone can really, really fuck you up. Don't do it, kids. Ever. I was useless all damn day & night because of it. When I spoke to my mom the next day [she called to check in on me- thanks mom!] I told her I had thought about dumping the contents of the bottle & tossing it out as soon as the thought of that shit stopped making me nauseated.

Returning to the heating pad on my ass. Tylenol doesn't do a damn thing for sciatic pain. I nearly threw out my back today [getting dressed! who knew?!!] & as a result am in some serious pain.

:Blows on the dice in my hand, then tosses out:

Come on, lady luck. Shine on me. I've got an art show to prepare for. I'd really like to wake up tomorrow with no back issues please. Is that so much to ask?

In the interest of 'Keeping it Real'...

2009-10-20T08:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Dylan had his 6 year check up. Nothing major, just the annual run-down of making sure he's growing properly, etc. There was some mild confusion with the new doc and I as to his immunizations & whether he was up to date or not. [He was. And yes, I immunize my kids & don't criticize you for it if you do not, so don't go there. I do not give them ANY of the 'seasonal' flu vaccines, so just stop.]

He woke up with a fever of 100.1 yesterday & as it seemed low-grade to me, I gave him the option of going to school or staying home; he went. At the doc's office, his temp was up to 101.7 {yikes!} but was given the overall, 'He's fine. His immune system should be strong enough to fight off whatever he has, so not a big deal. Perhaps keep him home until his fever has been gone for 24 hours.' Okay, not a big deal; for me. This kid would rather have an arm cut off than miss school. To say he loves school would be an understatement.

So in the spirit of keeping with his learning, we had a home-from-school-school-day today. We worked on math, writing, and reading. We had Story time

and computer time. He's now on snack/recess time & will be doing some more 'homework' after lunch. Right now

he's learning what home row is and how to type a sentence on my laptop. I had him writing sentences today and learning to type. He did a pretty good job of 'hunting & pecking' to find the letters on the keyboard. Trying to teach a 6 year old to type is laughable, as his was reaction to trying to find all the letters whilst keeping his fingers on home row.

Ah yes. I do not have the patience of a saint, nor do I have the patience of a teacher. Though Dylan did say he wished I was a teacher. Not his, per se, but someone else's.

Yea right. Today is shaping up to be an okay school day, especially for one being at home. I'll just have to make sure that I stay on task & keep him learning all day as he would in school. I'm kind of glad I don't have to do this everyday. I don't know if I could!

Middle School, round 2

2009-10-18T23:25:00.000-07:00

This year is turning out to be nothing like last year. Aside from that one bad math grade, the kid is kicking ass & taking names when it comes to his grades.

Observe:

Family & Consumer: B
Phy Ed: B+
Language Arts: A <---yes you read that correctly.
Math: D+
Science: C+
Social Studies: C

I'm really proud of him. It took SO MUCH EFFORT to get him to even make a minimal effort in school last year [round 1]. This year, not much has changed [I think], but he's doing much better.

Oh, and they won their last football game: 16-12 over East Troy. Woot!!

Give the boy a bone.

2009-10-13T21:42:00.000-07:00

Of course we don't feed him! Why would we, when we can give him a plastic bone to gnaw on whilst cutting his teeth?

Pay no attention to the dog he is dragging around which is attached to the bone. I actually did get some short video of him playing the xylophone...

--->Watch the mini musician<---

Have a nice day!

for no other purpose other than just because.

2009-10-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

I love Kate moss! and Johnny Depp! And lovingly, Carlotta has placed the two together.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Be sure to take the time to review her entire post; the photos are awesome if you are a Kate + Johnny lover. It makes me wish I was Kate, or very much like her... & Johnny... well, he's been a crush of mine for YEARS.

Enjoy!!

Poop. because I said so.

2009-10-09T15:16:00.000-07:00

After having two little chompers on the bottom finally make their highly anticipated appearance, I've been feeding jackjack everything I think is safe enough... or whatever I can fit into the sock. The sock is a mesh feeder, and let me tell ya; that thing is awesome! It takes a little more effort to clean, but, the kid can eat anything in it! This week was the first time I'd gone beyond the banana in the sock; jack ate a soft apple, pasta, and mashed potatoes!

Because of the amount of "real food" the boy is eating, we've had another first this week.

---->Wait for it.<-----

---->Wait for it.<----

My kid can shit like a real person, y'all.

[Did you really think I wouldn't go there? Come on! now folks.]

No more of that mustard/sesame seed infused-multicolored-thicker-cream-of-wheat consistency. The more 'real' food he eats, the more he poops like a person!

Do lizards count as real food?

Tame, for me.

2009-10-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't love birthday parties? Little kids can be so funny.. especially now, when they are 6 & 7 years old, they are coming into their own skin. Do I promote bad behavior? Nah.. but I do strongly encourage that my kids participate in activities that they LOVE. I was challenged to a scooter race by one of Dylan's friends [he won, totally.] Many thanks to my mom for bringing the waters & to Kevin for bringing the cool fusion scooter [4 wheels & so much fun to ride on!!]

How do you like that Quality Custom Framing? Photo props.... perhaps it'll generate some business for you. Don't forget who sent them your way!!

Ride like the wind, Alex! As cold as it was, it ended up being successful... & Jackjack was out of Mother Nature's cold range, as he slept in Fred's car for nearly the entire party. He decided to get up about 10 minutes before we started packing up. Perfect. He stayed nice & toasty warm, so no sicknesses here. Though, he did take super long naps yesterday [omg, is he growing AGAIN??].

I've been on a major Lady Gaga bender lately [especially since her & Kanye West cancelled the upcoming Fame Kills tour]... & as I'm listening to Poker Face, E-man is all yea, I know this song!! Nothing says awesome better than the kids rocking out to your music!!

Happy 6th Birthday, Dylan

2009-09-27T20:21:00.000-07:00

Mommy loves you. You look like daddy. Stop that.

Good Times

2009-09-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

Today Alex won his 2nd game- they are now 2-1 & I couldn't be more excited for him. He was credited with a tackle today [and NATURALLY I was in the bathroom]. I started painting the boys' room. When I was pregnant, Dylan offered to share his room with the baby, and today, well this week, that desire will come true. I'm painting the walls a light gray and will be painting a stripe of "Space" around their whole room. Dylan wants a huge mural above his bed, which he'll get, but one thing at a time here, okay? I want to test out my pinstriping tape & his wall will be a good place to see what I can get done. Right now, while I waiting for my space stripe to dry I'm writing & uploading pics to facebook.

Tomorrow is Dylan's birthday... my firstborn turns 6 years old. :exhales:

wow.
Happy Birthday little man.

My Apologies

2009-09-18T19:57:00.000-07:00

I know, dear reader, that you've been waiting [in vain, sadly] for a few weeks now for me to post something of good quality, side splitting humor, or just plain stupid kid stuff.

.....

waiting

.....

waiting

.....

Yea, sorry 'bout that. I know you don't want to hear we've been busy, blah blah blah, school started / schedules need to be solidified shoobedy doobedy doo. But yea, we have been busy, and school did start and in all the chaos and commotion, I felt myself slowly slipping away. I'm aware, I got it. I've righted the ship and am back to sailing toward the horizon.

I did start working out again, to attain that level of physical health/sanity[?] & acquired a new workout partner.

Although the poor little guy is a little under the weather. He's teething... which means fever, snotting & watery eyes. Although compared to Dylan... I'll take the snots.

See, kids? Reading is sexy.

2009-09-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

My bookshelves have been featured on a blog called "book lovers never go to bed alone". You should go check it out. View my shelf [here], if you haven't already seen it.

Yesterday I was stopped

2009-09-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

In the grocery store because of this:

and this:
Apparently my children are adorable enough to provoke sheer strangers to stop me and tell me how beautiful my family is.

It's awesome. I love my kids.

INGLORIUS BASTERDS!!!

2009-08-31T19:44:00.000-07:00

Was a fantastic movie!!! A movie, I saw with my husband. On a date. Our first date with no children since we dropped the boys off up north to spend a week with their grandparents a year ago. It was a well-enjoyed evening, and for some odd reason, can't stop thanking my babysitter for that evening. [Thanks Erin!!!] {Erin being 1/2 of Erin& Mattycakes, or Plan B Acoustic, as they are properly known} Oops, my shameless promotion has slipped out! Ah well. Go see them. Now.

Well, at the next show. I mean, you don't really want to go see them now because Matty's naked & Erin is in her pj's eating peanut butter & olives. Happy Snacking!

Eventful.

2009-08-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

Alex had a record winning Madden '06 game today, ending 70-10 vs. Indianapolis Colts!

Dylan went to the Betty Brinn Children's Museum today with his best friend!!

Jackjack turned 6 months old yesterday. He's now a 18lb, 6oz bundle o' happiness!!!

The Packers are kicking ass -so far- it's only the 2nd quarter-OH THEY JUST SCORED- 31-10!!!!

I was offered a booth at Johnson Bank during Mukwonago's Fall Fest [September 19th], and they said I can have my art in the lobby over the winter!!!!!

I finished the ETACC logo, much to my surprise considering my struggle with Photoshop, and they LOVED it!!!!!!

As I said, eventful.

As if the 4am feeding times were pleasant to begin with

2009-08-23T22:37:00.000-07:00

Jackjack has decided over the last week or so to bump up the time of those feedings to between 3-3:30am. Last night it was 2:45 am, when I was going to bed.

Don't even say, "Well Jessica, clearly you should be going to bed at 10pm..."

Let me tell you this: I don't want to fucking hear it. I'll sleep when I'm dead as far as I'm concerned. I don't mind the little to no sleep that I actually do get, or the fact that an 'early' bedtime to me is before 1am. I am concerned though, with Jack's little nocturnal habit.

As I type this, he's squirming on my lap, trying to "help" me type. It's currently 12:42am. Clearly he's helping. Or he just really loves his momma.

What the hell is going on with his inner functioning that he continues to need that early am feeding and why the hell does he keep getting up earlier?

I dunno... but he's damn cute & I'd be hard-pressed to give him back.

Couch pillows are not for couches...

2009-08-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

They are for the dog to lay upon whilst sun bathing.

Sighted:

2009-08-18T09:13:00.000-07:00

Dylan casually flipping through the pages of new Playboy over breakfast.

Oooops. :sigh:

Shouldn't have left that out... I was reading the interview with Seth McFarlane last night at dinner & forgot to put it away.

For the boy's first Playboy, he should have had a better introduction. Perhaps he'll forget. And then we can re-introduce Playboy when he's older... and he'll be like, oh yea.. I've seen those. You have a STACK IN YOUR ROOM AS TALL AS I AM.

For the record, he refused to tell me what he saw in there. So I doubt he'll speak of it again.

Don't call the authorities.. you know your kids have done it. And mom... don't tell dad. I don't want to hear about how horrible of a mother I am ... I can hear him now-'Why do you even allow that smut into your house? What is wrong with your husband?', etc., etc.

BTW; the subscription is in my name.

He's got big balls

2009-08-14T09:16:00.001-07:00

Dylan's first time at the skate park [East Troy]... and he elects to start on one of the high ramps!

Alex coaches....

Dylan falls....

and gets another lesson.

Oh, speaking of smells.....

2009-08-12T21:48:00.001-07:00

I smelled one of the most wonderful things the other day & I can't believe I didn't share it with you....

Fresh Corn. Not cooked on the cob, but blossomed- as in: it's ripe!!! The husks popped out and let loose a scent my nose had not ever smelled before. It was glorious, let me tell you, as a non-smoker to be able to pick up on that one. Yum.

*FYI, if you can't tell, the picture is actually of a cornfield... that I'm driving by at 55mph.

Gone Swimming.... [filed under Being Blonde]

2009-08-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

Mom, can I go swimming at Sam's?

->Sure, go ahead. Take a towel with you!

F-> Make sure its one of those goofy looking ones- with the flowers.. that's either green or yellow!

:we have inherited some really ugly towels... I use them to dry the dog, or let the kids take them swimming... [thanks Mom!]:

But those are really small!!

->:sigh: Is it a washcloth?

:silence: Yea, its a washcloth...

Being Blonde

2009-08-11T09:21:00.000-07:00

Dylan: 'Mom, can I have some orange juice?'

Me: 'Sure.'

:::I pour him some orange juice, he adds his crazy purple straw.:::

Dylan: 'Mmm, this Orange juice tastes like oranges!'

Me: 'That's because Orange juice is made from oranges.'

Dylan: 'Oooh. Yummy!'

:::sigh:::

Where has the time gone?

2009-08-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

I've done my best to put them in order of year. Look how cute & little they looked!!!

There. I Love my boys. Now you know.

'Man-ing' the Grill...

2009-08-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

Hot Damn! Smoking out the neighbors again... Time for grilling out. I was in charge tonight because Fredward had to go pick up Alex from football practice. So this is to those who've decided that I should not be allowed to commander the grill, be warned. You know who you are. I can grill. I have grilled. And it was DELICIOUS.

mmmm....... Seriously, though. How good does that look?? AND I barbecued it.

...all hail the holy grill!

Hot, HOT Pants.

2009-08-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

So I had this crazy ass dream last night. I know, this doesn't sound promising, but I had to get it down before I lost it all.

There I was shopping- somewhere- in some fancy pants place checking out these white pants. They were a beautiful pristine white, trouser like, and tiny in size.

[Side note: in my "real" life, I never, ever wear white pants, just because of the close proximity to myself and the earth I walk upon usually equals a mess. Its dirty, and for the love of god and all things holy, I can't keep any white thing white. Over time, it usually ends up a nice shade of dingy sandy white, or better yet, orange from all the rust in my water. Oh yea, & I'm not even close to tiny in size. Closer to a whole lotta love, more or less.]

Any who, so I'm shopping at this exclusive place, and I'm eying these pants, I try them on- and THEY FIT WONDERFULLY. "It must be all this walking I'm doing!! I've been doing these 4.84 mile walks every day, and now look!" Prior to this all I had was a massive muffin top spilling out over the top of my pants. I don't know how walking made me so thin [overnight??], but for the sake of this dream, it did.

Now Kathy Griffin is eying the same pair of pants. She & I for some reason are the exact same size [which would be the size she is now], and somehow this is the only pair of white pants in the store. Anyways, she's looking at them, picks them up, tries them on [they look faboosh on her as well] and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING DECISION ON WHETHER TO BUY THEM OR NOT. I, being as blunt as I can possibly be, tell her that I will buy those pants. She's hemming and hawing over this- and I've already made the decision for her! Then I proceed to RIP THE PANTS OUT OF HER HANDS AND GO TO THE CASHIER. As she stands there gawking, like 'OMG!!! Did you SEE WHAT SHE JUST DID???'

Basically I get into a tussle with the legendary Kathy Griffin in a dreamland store, and me & my smug attitude get the pants I came in for.

Classy, ain't it?

Compiling a to-do list

2009-08-03T08:52:00.000-07:00

The thing is almost a mile long. The short list would be 'what NOT to-do.'

To-do:
-->too long to post here; instead, busts out the loose leaf paper and goes at it old-school: with paper & pen... <--

What NOT to-do:

1. Procrastinate
2. Sit on Facebook all day
3. Read Perezhilton for a couple of hours- STRAIGHT
4. Avoid all things related to cleaning/straightening of the house
5. NOT Make the to-do list. I have to... do I have to separate everything by category?? Because then, I have a shit-ton to do.

{Insert witty comment here}

2009-08-01T15:37:00.001-07:00

Since Jack is growing at an incredible pace [anyone who has had a newborn, you know exactly what I am talking about], Dylan wanted to find out just how tall Jack was getting compared to him.

I told him he's just high enough to punch him in the balls.

Alrighty then?

2009-08-01T15:26:00.001-07:00

Well the super cute pics I wanted to share with you all apparently are not able to be read -- somehow 'cid' is not recognized? I don't know- I'm not a technical genius when it comes to this stuff, so let me just say it was really freaking cute.

I was just thinking the other day

2009-07-31T12:42:00.000-07:00

I really need to get some more candy. My candy jar is pathetically empty. Its actually Dylan's candy jar, but still. Oftentimes it ends up being more of a community jar than anything. Then he tells me he needs more candy, because its almost gone. I'm all 'What do you mean you need more candy?? I need more candy!!! Psh!'

Yea, that's right. It's a ONE GALLON JAR. At one point this year [I believe it was shortly after Easter] it was actually 3/4 full. Not bad, since we've added & majorly subtracted since. But still. We really don't have much of a selection left. Its pretty pathetic... you'll notice we still have the crappy chocolate Easter eggs... :sigh:

:Segues into new topic:

Who doesn't love a bonfire? How about on a Thursday night? The older boys & I decided to have a fire last night. Fredward has been working 10 hour days so he didn't join us, as he needed to rest his weary head [not to mention his body]. I didn't want to risk Jack-jack being carried off by mosquitoes, so he stayed in. I played a bit with the ISO speed on the camera to capture some of the flamage, so I can use it for further study on drawing/painting flames. Here's a few shots...

*this one is my fave.*

And of course, you can't have fire pictures without mr. Alex, the firebug. I swear, he'll end up being a pyro, just like me. He started the fire & then yelled at Dylan twice because he nearly fell INTO the fire pit [like a ding dong, walking around the stone- you can see its not very sturdy]. Ah, it ended well though. No chocolate, no graham crackers, but we had marshmallows! The 3 of us and the dog each had two marshmallows, un-charred. No big sticks for cooking the marshmallow on, as our yard is encased by PINE TREES. So much so, that Alex had to run across the street to steal some sticks from the neighbors yard to get the fire going.

Good times! Oh! And just because it looked cool...
Sadie with crazy eyes.

Diary of a MotherFucker

2009-07-29T22:58:00.000-07:00

Its 1am, & surprise! I'm still awake.

I'm hungry, I have itchy feet & somehow my bedroom smells like a shit diaper, despite my checking the baby's pants.

So here I sit, eating the snack of champions- a banana with peanut butter. No, not a sandwich. Take the banana, peel it, smear it with a spoonful of the gift from the peanut gods, enjoy. Its the closest thing I have in the house as something 'sweet' to eat. Unfortunately the shitty Easter chocolate isn't even enough to take the edge off. Plus, this peanut butter is FABULOUS! The Natural Jif [& you don't have to stir!] is so delicious, I savor every spoonful. yuuuuummmmmmm. <--There was a free plug, if ever there needed to be one.--> Oh yea. Need I mention, I just polished off the jar? There was 2, maybe 3 heaping tablespoons left at the bottom and if you scraped down the sides. This shit doesn't last in my house. I need, like, a 50 gallon drum. Perhaps that would last a month. Or two.

Actually, the snack-o-champions used to be in my regimen of 'brain food' that I'd eat late at night [sense a theme here?] while I was in college, doing my homework after the hubby & kids went to bed. Up until 2am to write a paper? No problem! Have some peanut butter. Hell, have a peanut butter & banana sandwich. Oooh, how about some dried cherries on that? And honey? Awesome!!! Sweet, just found the chocolate chips- better add a few...

The itchy feet I blame on bad shoes, mosquitos, and my desperate need for a pedicure. The last time I went to get one, it was for my sister in law's bachelorette evening- over 2 years ago. My feet are so abused- bad shoes, barefoot the minute its warm enough, no regular pedi's or even filing of the dead skin... seriously its icky. And I'm telling you about this because...? In hopes you'll buy one of my paintings so I can get this shit taken care of. And maybe find that 50 gal vat o'peanut butter. That I don't have to stir.

Speaking of shit, I'm going to say for tonight/thisearlymorning that Jack farted & he just stank up the room. That's right. I'm blaming the baby. He's just as bad as his father. So indirectly I blame fredward. Its his fault our kid is so stanky. Its his fault because I've never heard of any other person WHO CAN WAKE THEIR SPOUSE FROM A DEAD SLEEP BECAUSE OF THE STENCH COMING FROM HIS ASS. As he giggles into his pillow... :fucker:.

In the morning, I'll tear the room up.

You had to have known this was coming.

2009-07-27T09:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm going there. The boobs, both boobs, and nothing but the boobs. [Sorry, no pictures of my boobs included in this post.]

So we have started this whole weaning-off-the-boob-switching-to-formula thingy, and oh my god, do my boobs hurt!!!

They are no longer going through this draining-refilling process because I'm so done with nursing. And in Jack's defense, he's taking it really well. He's got no problems taking a bottle of formula or eating his cereal and mush 3x a day. He still nuzzles looking for something, but its in vain, 'cause he's not getting any. So I think I'm on day 2 or 3 where I haven't actually nursed once... and wow, does it hurt. They are so sensitive and they actually ache- just like they did when I first gave birth to Jack [and Dylan] and the milk took its sweet time coming in. A week later, my chest was gi-normous and once the wind blows the wrong way I'm crippled over in pain. Awesome.

For the first time in 5 months I went bra-less to bed last night [okay, yea you didn't need to know, but I don't really care] with no leakage problems. I get up, get my morning cup o joe, take the dog out, talk to the hubby - this is all a mere 5-10 minutes of being out of bed- and I'm leaking like a fucking gardening hose!!!! What the hell is going on here? Is the wind blowing the wrong way? Does the sound of Fredward's voice make me leak? [Gah! I hope not.]

I dunno, but I don't like it much. On the plus side, my boobs are starting to even out. They were a bit lopsided during the nursing process, because one fills up waaay more than the other. [For you visual freaks, its the right side that gets bigger.] Now that I've stopped, they are becoming more equal in size to one another. Perfect, because I hate being lopsided. I've had big boobs for most of my life, and yea, I'd even say I have a pretty nice rack. Even after two kids, and many years prior to that, going bra-less for two years they still look pretty good. Yea, I was in a hippie-phase for a bit, and for the record, big boobs + bra-less doesn't = good results--- EVER.

Now that I've gotten this off my chest [har har hardy har har] I think the boy wants lunch. As I type this, he's trying to gnaw my arm off. Thanks for reading... if you've made it this far.

There are days

2009-07-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

when I don't know whether to laugh or cry, be amused, amazed or downright mortified. Having a teenager in the house is definitely a clusterfuck of emotions. I remember being a teenager... my parents hated me [or so I liked to think], everything I did/said/thought was wrong [sometimes continues to present day], I could do no right, my parents don't know me... yada, yada, yada. And yet, here I am, typing away on my bliggity-blog, eventually posting this to my facey-spaces, realizing that these "issues" have come full circle.

I like to say that I am a very private person, and no one single person knows everything there is to know about me. I always preferred solitude, and still do, much to the disappointment of my husband & kids. I do just fine at parties, and yet, I still like the privacy oneness gives me. There is something so satisfying, and yes, selfish, about alone time.

There really is no where in particular that I am going with this post, other that pointing out this observation to you, dear reader. Oh, and the fact that my eldest son likes to think he's a "G" every now and then. This.... :grins: this boy will eat the icky chocolate eggs left from Easter just to get the colored foil so he can make his "grill".

Yep. :sigh: That's my boy!

Free Therapy

2009-07-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

ah..... the smell of fresh paint on canvas.

Its almost as good as the adrenaline rush that you get from exercise. The burn of your muscles... that strong feeling- as though your body could take on the world & come out on top.... THAT will be next. Therapy for me = painting & exercise. Both of which I've neglected for too long. Time to bring out the bike & start getting outside more.

-->But Jessica, what the hell are you talking about?<--

Umm, well, if you've been living under a rock, see the post from Thursday to catch up. It appears minor but I swear- I was thisclose to having a major meltdown. But I'm better now. Diligence, apparently, is the key.

Welcome to my life.

Well, let's see here.

2009-07-23T12:37:00.000-07:00

Among the many things I am out of, necessary things such as diapers and toilet paper, patience is right at the top of the list.

September cannot come fast enough. School should be year round. And teenage boys should not have PMS. But its the 23rd of July, school isn't year round much to the disappointment of many parents, and oddly enough, teenage boys DO have PMS. Go figure.

Now that I'm a mom of 3 boys, I'm left wondering if I would have better off if they were girls.

"Come over here! Oh no, I'm soo not that way."

2009-07-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

said the woman in front of me to her son, who was probably 6 or 7 years of age, as she is dragging him along to get pictures with the Strippers from Silk.

I admit; we took Dylan & Jackjack. Jack slept so he didn't get pictures with the strippers. That would have been interesting. Here, hold the baby- yea, you with the big boobs, and lets see what he does. Never mind that he is still nursing, so he may nuzzle you a bit, perhaps bury his face in your boobies looking for a little somethin' somethin'. No matter! But, it didn't happen. Nope, no family photo with the strippers. Couldn't take a family photo without Alex. Can you imagine if we sent that out for our Christmas card??

I asked Dylan if he wanted to take pictures with them [as the aforementioned woman is getting their picture taken], and he said no. I didn't force him. I just thought it was interesting, you know. There is a line, I guess. For everyone. I don't force them to do things they don't want, unless their health is on the line ["uh, no, you may NOT ride down our two flights of stairs on your skates, I don't want to go to the emergency room today!" or, "Yes, you must eat your vegetables. At least eat your veggies if you won't eat* your meat. It has to be one or the other you eat. You can't get out of not eating both."] Should I have said something? Would it even have been appropriate? Doubt it.

*Speaking of eating, I was recently re-united with a totally fun breakfast song: Ham & Eggs, by Fat J & the Pinners. Freaking awesome!!! If you want the actual recording, instead of video click here.

Lets just say the day ended well.

My jaw fell open last night...

2009-07-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

...and I haven't stopped smiling since!!! My cousin April just got engaged yesterday, to a lovely man named Ryan whom I've yet to meet. But I will!

Congratulations!!!!

I can't believe I scrubbed the paint off.

2009-07-16T21:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not usually a girlie girl by any stretch of the imagination, but tonight I indulged myself a little. I painted for the last two days, & even though I washed, I was still covered in paint. I wear it much like a badge of honor... I ~~was~~ am busy painting lately, but I felt really dirty. So I busted out the pumice stone, soaked my feet [they were covered in paint too], and used the stone & some Zest to scrub off the paint on my hands, nails[!!] and feet. It looks better, but reminds me how desperately I need a pedicure. I don't have that kind of patience to do it myself. I'll sit long enough for someone else to do it though ;)

I'll make this short tonight. I've got some design & planning work to do! I'm leaving you with 2 of the 3 cutest kids ever:

Crazy-eyes & Drool face. :swoon:

I'm not bitching, I'm decluttering.

2009-07-15T21:20:00.000-07:00

I am so very grateful that I have the work I do right now. Creatively, its keeping me going in between my own paintings. Financially, I'm not going to discuss it. Lets just say Fredward is very happy about my decision to return to work this fall. I am hoping that I am able to keep the creative juices flowing and eventually have enough NEW pieces to hold a show.

:big sigh:

I hope, with the utmost sincerity and skill, that I can complete all of my tasks at hand: 1- the logo for the newest Chapter of Wisconsin Campers Association- the East Troy Area Country Campers. It will be a damn shame and an epic failure if I can't figure it out. I'm getting there; Lorie, don't get stressed. I'm working on it... I've just had a major brain fart & its still a little cloudy in here. I want to make it perfect [because, you know I am ;) ] and easily made printed or embroidered. The making-it-easy-for-embroidery is a little more difficult, but never fear! I've come up with something! I just need to get it on paper, then into the computer. 2- The odd tasks/ creative spots at the Fox residence. I have a lot to do, and trying to do it with a baby whose just started cereal & baby food, is a whole new venture! Its like re-revolving yourself around the baby's schedule... again! Who knew? 3- The scenery for Camp Venture. I did 3/4 of my swamp scene today... & I'm pretty happy with it too! I've got a bit more to do, but I feel that I can get it done. 4- The very random, and very present, ideas that keep presenting themselves as FABULOUS artistic developments. I am extremely intrigued to get them all together, and I sincerely hope I can throw together an art show before the years' end. Which also means I'll have to find a way to get a hotel room with a waterpark, so the kids don't complain about said party.

:inhale. hold. exhale. [yes I'm doing that as I type] repeat.:
:find balance:

My grandparents are still in town, and I'm trying to divide my time between spending it with them, because I don't have much time until their drive back to New Mexico. I wish they would stay here, but I completely respect their decision to go home. Its home. Its been their home for the last 22 years. I can still dream...

I'm a little torn that Dylan has been spending so much time with his friends and not with me. I want to feel really good about it, because that means he has friends, however, he's not home very often and we don't get to do much together :whine- omg, don't I sound pathetic?: I realized tonight that it is not unusual for us to not have any children at home except for the baby lately. Alex has his friends, and between Sam and his grandparents, I hardly see him too.

I can't wait for school to start, because then I'll always know where my kids are [being the same place every day]. I know where they are; I am a good mom- cripes, I don't let the roam the neighborhood, but you know? I feel I could get so much more done with them at that special place, I know and love so much.

Okay I think I'm to the point of rambling, so if you've made it this far, congratulations! You've won the opportunity to gaze at my adorable son.

G'night, everyone.

LOVE

2009-07-14T14:31:00.000-07:00

As much as I can, I'm visiting my Grammy while she is here. She & Grampa come north every 4 years or so, and while she is here, she's getting some of her medical issues looked at. We have better medical care here, than they do in New Mexico.

Gramma, me & Jackjack [he's trying to sabotage the camera, he's yanking on the cord.]

<3 So you think I'll look like her when I'm 83? Hope so... she's beautiful.

My African violets. I bought these 3 years ago, when I started working at the hellish call center... they had flowers when I purchased them, and this is the first time in 3 years they have bloomed.

jackjack loves his toes

Oh! And Jackjack is starting the cereal & formula combo... hopefully he'll be weaned by the end of August, so I can go back to work! :he drank a full 4 oz!!!:

Hopefully I'll be back to work by end of August, early September.

Priceless

2009-07-11T12:22:00.000-07:00

Fred shaved his & Dylan's head today.

"Dylan, go get the vacuum and vacuum up all the hair on the floor in the bathroom."

:Dylan goes to get the vacuum, takes it into the bathroom:
:I can hear him pushing the buttons on it:

"Mom, the vacuum doesn't work anymore!"

:I get up from my perch in the living room to check, & sure enough:

"Dylan, you need to plug it in!"

:Fredward & I dissolve into giggle fits in the living room:

"OOOhhh!"

on Bloglovin'

2009-07-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

Follow my blog with bloglovin

Cherry Bombs

2009-07-10T22:03:00.000-07:00

Dylan's are when he blasts his 4-square ball way up into the air.

Mine are a little different:

And yes, they were delish.

*sidenote, still practicing with photoshop. I'm learning!

Its goo time!

2009-07-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

Yes, goo. What is coming out of his mouth is the goo left over after he's "eaten" his first rice cereal. It looks like a cross between puke and formula. No chunks, just a bunch of drooled cereal.

He was all "eh, eww.. I dunno about this..."
But like a good little birdie, he opened up again...

Gramma was ecstatic to see him eat cereal for the first time.

Needless to say it went better the second time. I swear he ate, but I don't know how much actually ended up in his mouth.

Seriously? Who bites people on the nose?

2009-07-07T19:51:00.001-07:00

This guy.

Can I have a kiss, honey?

WTF? YOU BIT MY NOSE!!!!!

:tears flow from my eyes due to either the fresh bite on my nose or the horrid stench his ass is fumigating the living room with:

Yea, imagine how it smells in here. He could have very well pinched one off in his shorts. Don't strain yourself by pushing....

What is it honey? Is it scraping you from the inside out? Hee hee hee....

All the, ah- shit, he puts me through, and yea. I still love the guy.

Smooch-worthy, isn't it??? I know, he looks completely surprised by the kiss. He's such a fucker. But, he's my little fucker.

Independence day

2009-07-05T19:01:00.000-07:00

I realize this is a few days late, but we've been celebrating my eldest son's 13th birthday. He turned 13. The boy is a teenager. :exhales the deep breath I've been holding for 10 years:

Before I go any further: I love you Alex. Happy Birthday.

It came and went with no burns, no fingers lost, and plenty of fun & sunshine for all. I took some cool shots of the fire & some fireworks and sparklers.

I finished on time and on schedule.

2009-07-01T22:17:00.000-07:00

For this episode, I'll refer you to Accomplished Anything?

It turned out well. You should go see. Really.

Deadlines and Parenting

2009-06-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

So I've started the baby Helmet that I've been asked to do. Because the object in question is such a critical piece [quite literally- this helmet reshapes the boy's head, so its round, not flat in multiple spots, as his parents told me], Fredward needs to and has offered to care for the kids so I could focus on my new project and not have to worry about making dinner or taking care of the boys this evening. Exception, being Jackjack, when he needs to be fed. Problem being, Jack screams when Fred is trying to care for him, either because he [Fredward] isn't me, or because Fred isn't standing up. The boy doesn't like to sit down - actually, he doesn't like it when you sit down. He wants to be up and moving and going. So I ended up taking Jack a few times throughout the evening when I just couldn't take the screaming anymore, because he wouldn't stop. No, its not colic, he is just unhappy with Fred in the evening hours. Usually because he doesn't take the greatest of naps during the day, so he is cranky as all hell by the time Fred gets home.

The other boys don't seem to notice Fred is in charge, either.

Alex came into the kitchen fully expecting me to start dinner after my guests left, and to his surprise, I took the helmet and went into the studio without another word. He looked completely puzzled as Fred explained that Mom has to work on a project that has to be done by tomorrow, and that he has to help me out tomorrow. Take care of Dylan and Jack- Mom will feed Jack, but you'll have to play with him.

:side note- this ought to be interesting:

Dylan comes up to me; "Ah, Mom?"
'What, Dylan?'
"I don't like brown beans."
'Tell someone who cares. Tell dad. I'm working at the moment.'
Dylan was present during the Authority change explanation. He also heard it earlier in the day. I have no idea if it registered or not though.

And Jackjack, of course, screamed and cried and carried on and on and on. Then I took him, attempted the calm-down ritual, fed him, and gave him back to Fred.

What? I've got work to do. This Helmet isn't going to paint itself.

And Look who else decided to show up.

2009-06-28T09:26:00.000-07:00

I've waited 3 years for you to flower, my dear. Welcome.

Summer is official.

2009-06-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

We've been at the beach, playing in the sprinkler, and hiding out in the air conditioning avoiding the fierce glare of the Midwestern intense heat/humidity combo. Jackjack had his first foray into the lake this weekend, swim diaper and all. The kid smelled like sunscreen for two days. I bathed him, I swear.

But he didn't burn, thank goodness. Through my sunglasses, I could have sworn he was a little pink, but that could have just been from being in the water.

Dylan, ever the daredevil when it comes to water, continues his quest to jump off the pier to see how far he can actually go.

This little guy has taught himself how to swim. It totally blows my mind, too. He can hold is breath and swim under water, he wears his goggles, and regularly challenges himself. I am so proud.

Between sleepovers and playtime at friends houses, its actually rare to get all three boys together lately. Never thought that would happen, but I'm grateful it has. It means my kids have friends, and are determined to keep those friendships.

But here they are. And I love them. Look how much they have all changed! My goodness! They are growing and changing on a daily basis. They are getting older, more mature. That doesn't mean I'll admit to getting older. I am, but I refuse to grow up.

Craving a sense of smell

2009-06-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

I have a stuffy nose at the moment, but that's not why I crave a sense of smell. I just want to be able to breathe. Being cooped up in the air conditioning [yea, woe is me-pfft] kind of screws with the breathing processes. At least for me it does. Its like being held hostage in the winter by the savage cold, only to have the dry warm air do the same damn thing to you.

No, this post comes tonight on the thoughts, rather the acknowledgments of my sense of smell. I know I can smell, but to have an ability to stop and smell- you know, like the saying "stop & smell the roses." Stop for a second, and register the smells around you. I smell a dry dust and not much else at the moment. But earlier today, I smelled the sickly sweet smell of antifreeze after I had shut my car off. I smelled the rain that didn't come. I smelled the familiar stench of cow dung, after being caught behind what my dad refers to as the 'shit spreader'. I smelled the different chemicals the co-op down the road holds. Smelled like fertilizers when I passed the truck with the container full of liquid on the back. I smelled my baby's poopy pants, I smelled his hair. I smelled the aloe reacting with Dylan's sunburn. I smelled the oil when I came home tonight, from cooking catfish earlier for Fred's dinner. I smelled the clean clothes, and the fresh air from the towels I folded which hung outside on the line. I smelled the chocolate in the batter before I put the muffins into the oven. I smelled them when they were close to being finished. I smelled the cold fish as I put it away for Fred's lunch tomorrow.

I tell you all this to make you aware. I'm sure you already are, but next time you smell something, whether its good, bad or beyond foul, be present in your reaction. Don't act from the subconscious, act consciously.

One thing I didn't smell today:

my wonderful flowers the boys purchased for Mother's Day. They always smell so beautiful in the morning. Sticky-sweet sort of smell. If you don't believe me, get your nose right in there & inhale deeply. You'll see.

The Emergency Alert System

2009-06-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

Is in place to alert is in the case of an emergency. Flood, severe weather, that sort of thing. They do a "weekly required test". I understand, its required. But still. Do they have to put it at the good part of the movie? Come on now, I was watching Bad Boys 2 on & off all night, and they go & put the friggin' test at the end when he shoots the guy! Arrgh!

Don't knock my choice in movies, either. It was on & my mind was occupied. I'm drawing again. :)

I love the Red Hot Chilli Peppers

2009-06-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

So much. I remember hearing BloodSugarSexMagik and remember thinking what an awesome album it was. Is. Still is.

This was in the early years, when I was just, ah, "experimenting" with music. I was young enough to be living at home, and heavily influenced by my parent's choices. My dad's thing was the Oldies of the 50s & 60s, and had to be one of the only people I knew who didn't care for the Beatles. My mom liked John 'Cougar' Mellencamp, as he was known back then [she still does, I think]. Granted, BloodSugarSexMagik came out quite a few years later, but still. It was this raw, crazy sound to me, and I remember going to my cousin's house to play- she had the CD, and would let me crank it when I was over. I would listen to the entire album, over and over. I loved her for that. Still do.

I was fascinated, even back then, by all of their tattoos. The inside cover had photos of all of their tattoos... I would look at all the different designs, and try to match the tats with their owners. I love the pictures and how they looked as they were wrapped around various parts of their bodies. How yummy they looked covered in tattoos.

To this day, I love two things: Loud music and tattoos. Apparently, not much has changed. And I'm okay with this. I still think guys with tattoos are hot: see my husband for further proof. And I still listen to whole albums, over and over and over and over again. In a single song era, whole album appreciation is vital. Well, at least, for me it is.

Happy listening, folks.

June 21, 2003

2009-06-21T19:11:00.000-07:00

I got married 6 years ago on this day. I married my Fred, the man who has consistently made me laugh for the last 10 years. He carried me through the rough times, and laughed at me during all the other times. We are raising 3 boys together and have decided that our family is complete. Our anniversary falls this year on Father's day. Happy Father's Day, Fredward.

He made me the most awesome gift- which I avoided sharing with you all on Friday night when he gave it to me. I have been having some trouble with my inspiration lately. He captured my inspiration and put it in a box, so that when I lose it, its always in a place where I can find it.

And I love him.

That was the dog.

2009-06-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

That was you.
No! That was the dog! :grins:

-----earlier in the day------

We are driving to Target to pick up some sandals for the middle boy. [And hopefully for myself, if they are cheap enough. *fingers crossed*] We, for this trip, are: myself, Alex, Dylan & Jackjack. The variance in ages make it difficult to keep focused on a trip. We are not merely going shopping, we are going for a purpose. This is an excursion! I need to buy Dylan sandals for the summer. Otherwise he'll be running around in socks & shoes, as he refuses to go barefoot. This child, mind you, has a shoe problem. I daresay shoe fetish, because I am still wondering does a fetish develop in those early years?? To say he likes shoes is an understatement. This kid adores shoes. Somehow he wished and prayed with all his might to get his beloved Sketcher's shoes.

That boy ended up with three pairs of sketchers: Airators, Z-Straps, and Evaders. And a pair of Heeleys.

Alex wants to look at (key word: look, because I sure as hell ain't that dropping that kind of dough!) video games, and "Oh, there is a Best Buy over there, Mom, can we stop there too please!!!???!?!" Because when we get there, he wants to check out new cell phones, laptops and, of course, video games. Everything his, and mine, - admittedly- wishful thinking can afford.

Dylan is the one getting the ~~shoes~~ sandals so there is no avoiding that mission. However, there is Dylan, "Mom, check out these shoes!" and me: "No, Dylan we are shopping for sandals, not shoes right now. Oh.. wow, these are cool. Hey Dylan! Did you see these shoes? Aren't these super cool?!?!?"

Jackjack, had no agenda. Well, that he voiced anyways. I pointed out, the minuscule 'baby boys' section. It was the newborn wall with all of the slippers, bathrobes, onesies, that sort of thing. Gift-y stuff. One-third of the rack was boys, the rest was girls stuff!!!!! Any mother with a boy, knows exactly what I am talking about. The boys turned their heads to acknowledge my statement. Alex even returned to that subject when I finally dragged us past there on the way out.

So really its me, almost encouraging them, pausing to shop, look, and telling them "lets go!"

Boys: "But mom! Did you see that?!"
Me: :sighs: "Alright! :smiles: But make it quick, we've got to go!"

------------>back to now, with the whole farting-in-the-chair issue. Yes that was it. The dog was behind him- on the other side, really, but just behind him, and he's sitting in the recliner, settling into some Grand Theft Auto and rips one off. <------------- Among the many, many reasons I love my son, here are a few: Mom, did you see that? hrm?
Why are all those bikes there? What is that?
Its a bike path, there is a little cafe there.
They have a bike club? Awesome! I'm gonna make a foot club! No, a shoe club! For people who wear shoes!
:laughing:
A boat! Aw, Mom! Lets buy that boat!
:laughing: Oh, boy!
No Outlet. There is no outlet in that sign.
really?
Ooh, look at that. Tractor! Lets get a tractor. OOh, A patch of grass! Lets get a patch of grass.
:grins:
Oh, Look, A house!
[If you are wondering, it looked like a kit house- buy the halves & put it together type of deal.]

Wonder what Bob would say if we got that and put it in the back yard.
:his horrible imitation of Bob's voice- sounds like an old lady really: "Oh, no! Not my precious grass! Bah!"

-we commence driving through the swanky tourist-y town to get to target, because I didn't think to get on the freeway! Sitting at the stoplight-

Mom! Its the boat! We saw that guy! Lets buy the boat!
Aw, look mom! A horse! I want a horse like that!

[Horses are apparently part of the community's Public Art Project this year]

MOM!!!!!! OMG, LOOK! ITS A SNOWMOBILE! THEY ARE JUST THROWING IT OUT WITH THE TRASH, AW, CAN I BRING IT HOME?
oh, hell no. No, no, no no no no no no no no no no, no.

ooo, look! A rummage, aw, can we stop?!
:laughing:

-as we pass we can both clearly see that its all crap-

eh, maybe on the way back? [hoping to god, he doesn't remember. But judging from the incident in the store earlier, he'd remember. of course.]

MOM! ITS THE SNOWMOBILE!!! Can I bring it home? Lets put it in the trunk!
no.
But you guys never let me bring anything home to work on!
How are you going to work on it?
I've got tools! I have a huge toolbox at my grandparents! I'll bring it home. It weighs like 500 pounds when its empty!!

-by this point I'm laughing out loud and shaking my head, because he is laughing at himself, and smiling, trying in a miserable attempt to keep a straight face and a 'serious' attitude about it!

Bring on the teenage years, folks. Because this kid is hysterical. I promise I won't want to go back to the hundred-thousand-questions-a-day act around 5-7 years old, because I've got two more kids to go through that with. I love my boy.

Mom, can we turn this into a bowl? Like hollow it out, and its all hard and stuff, like a gourd?

Harry Potter took me hostage last night

2009-06-20T08:28:00.000-07:00

And, no this wasn't some sexual fantasy dream, either. I just finished HP 6 a few days ago [in preparation for the movie, I re-read the book, like most, if not all devoted Harry Potter fans]. Since I was at the library returning a book for Dylan, I thought I'd just stop and see if they had HP 7 [the Deathly Hallows]; they did. I checked it out, and resisted reading it for a day or two. Then I couldn't take it anymore.. I tore into it yesterday, like a fiend. Jack's inability to cope with the muggy weather did not make for pleasant times, or easy reading. But I did it. I finished the book. And I, like so many other pro-HP minds, cannot wait for the movie.

I understand. I really do.

2009-06-18T20:13:00.000-07:00

We all need a little love and affection these days. We really do. Sometimes though just when you want it, you don't. You want it when you can't have it, and can't have it when you want it. It is frustrating as all hell when your 3 1/2 month old has been 'put to bed' twice but can't be bothered with sleeping at this time of night! NOOOOO!!!! Its time to play! Its time to smile and charm the pants off your already weary and sex -deprived parents!!! aarrrgghh!!!

I swear if the kids weren't so fucking cute.....

.... well, even then I'd have a hard time. I love the little lump o' baby way too much.

Indy And The Jones

2009-06-17T20:33:00.000-07:00

Is how my 5 1/2 year old refers to Indiana Jones. It was quite hysterical, because he really thought he was saying it correctly!

Also, my boy- as of today-, CAN RIDE HIS BIKE WITH NO TRAINING WHEELS!

ooh yes!

*for the record, he used to sing along to this song whenever he heard it on the radio. Or whenever he was riding his bike and then he would take his hands off the handlebars, singing 'I can ride my bike with no handlebars, I can ride my bike with no handle bars, no handle bars...'

'Twas awesome, let me tell you.

:background music- Flobots, Handlebars:

Handlebars
i can ride my bike with no handlebars
no handlebars
no handlebars

i can ride my bike with no handlebars
no handlebars
no handlebars

look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
alive
and i'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
i can show you how to do-si-do
i can show you how to scratch a record
i can take apart the remote control
and i can almost put it back together
i can tie a knot in a cherry stem
i can tell you about leif ericson
i know all the words to "de colores"
and "i'm proud to be an american"
me and my friend saw a platypus
me and my friend made a comic book
and guess how long it took
i can do anything that i want cuz, look:

i can keep rhythm with no metronome
no metronome
no metronome

and i can see your face on the telephone
on the telephone
on the telephone

look at me
look at me
just called to say that it's good to be
alive
in such a small world
i'm all curled up with a book to read
i can make money open up a thrift store
i can make a living off a magazine
i can design an engine sixty four
miles to a gallon of gasoline
i can make new antibiotics
i can make computers survive aquatic conditions
i know how to run a business
[ Flobots Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
i can make you wanna buy a product
movers shakers and producers
me and my friends understand the future
i see the strings that control the systems
i can do anything with no assistance
cuz i can lead a nation with a microphone
with a microphone
with a microphone
and i can split the atoms of a molecule
of a molecule
of a molecule

look at me
look at me
driving and i won't stop
and it feels so good to be
alive and on top
my reach is global
my tower secure
my cause is noble
my power is pure
i can hand out a million vaccinations
or let'em all die from exasperation
have'em all healed from their lacerations
have'em all killed by assassination
i can make anybody go to prison
just because i don't like'em and
i can do anything with no permission
i have it all under my command
because i can guide a missile by satellite
by satellite
by satellite
and i can hit a target through a telescope
through a telescope
through a telescope
and i can end the planet in a holocaust
in a holocaust
in a holocaust
in a holocaust
in a holocaust
in a holocaust

i can ride my bike with no handlebars
no handlebars
no handlebars

i can ride my bike with no handlebars
no handlebars
no handlebars

Getting rid of chipmunks 101

2009-06-16T18:54:00.000-07:00

I can pour gasoline in its hole & start it on fire.
-wha-?
I could shoot it.
-yea, get your gun & go shoot that damn thing. It keeps eating my strawberries!
I can't shoot it, I don't have a scope on it anymore
--Use the iron sights on your gun!
My gun doesn't have the iron sites! You should let me use your pellet gun dad.
--I'm not letting you use my gun! You wouldn't even be able to hit the damn thing!
I'd try!
--The last time I let you use my pellet gun you didn't hit a damn thing! And you were shooting at everything!
Its not my fault that you actually hit the first bird you shot at!
--You need to practice more!

:[--]Fred and Alex proceed to tell me the story about the time Fred took Alex out to practice shooting Fred's pellet gun. Fred goes, 'Oh, look I'll shoot the bird.' and actually hits the bird. A flock flies by and Alex didn't hit a one. Then there is a dispute on when this actually happened- was it 2 years ago as Fred says, or was it when Alex says he was 6?:

No it was when I was in grade school.
--No, it was 2 years ago!
Well then I was 8!

:for the record, Alex is 12. He'll be 13 in July.:

-wha-?
I'll just go get my shot gun.
-wha?
--You can't go using a shot gun to kill a freaking chipmunk! You'll blast big holes in everything!
Noo, I'll just use birdshot. Wonder what Bob would say?
-wha-?
I could use a blowtorch.
-YOU ARE NOT USING A BLOWTORCH ON SOMETHING THAT IS WITHIN 6 FEET OF THIS HOUSE!!!!!

:For the record, no chipmunks were harmed during the course of this discussion.

But if those little fuckers keep eating my strawberries, they will be!:

Do you really need TWO eyebrows?

2009-06-15T19:17:00.000-07:00

Alex: "Dylan, can I shave one of your eyebrows?"
Dylan: "NOOO!"

Well, as it turns out, no eyebrows were lost during the shaving of Dylan's head. Alex did, however, have an awesome time stopping at various points during the haircut telling Dylan he was "done". He experimented with stripes.....

.... and a teeny tiny little tuft of hair left behind, just to see if he'd notice.

He noticed.

So I had a crazy ass dream.....

2009-06-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

....that I should start a blog about the odd things that happen in my life. I have another blog, Accomplished Anything? that I've devoted to my art. Art is the other part of my life, the main focus is on my children and husband. I am a proud mom to three boys: Alex, Dylan and Jack. I am excited about this blog, as I've dreamt about this. [BTW, the dream turned out good. Somehow Rob Pattinson was involved in said dream. Like I said, it was fabulous.]

Visiting my girlfriend [I can call her that now; we've swapped kid stories & bonded over chocolate chip cookie dough] this afternoon to de-stress [read: keep the kids occupied with one another]. They were in & out, jumping on the trampoline, swinging on the swings, playing with the hose, splashing in the kiddie pool. Ten minutes into pool time, "MOM! JACOB PEED IN THE POOL!!!" Both of us being mothers of 3 boys each, I immediately burst into laughter and she goes to get the soap!!! After adding a slide, we christened it the boy wash, rather than auto wash. Reminds me a bit o' Dr. Seuss: "come on down, we have the only ~~gak~~ boy wash in town!" Really though, how much harm can a little pee come between you and 50+ gallons of water?

FLARP made an appearance the other day, courtesy of another girlfriend. As I stated on her facebook wall, "

I must tell you: the appearance of the flarp on our stairs was enthusiastically welcomed, and the atmosphere of noise hasn't stopped since."

Highly entertaining indeed. Dylan played with said FLARP all last evening, and all this morning- "Mom, this one is you!" :giggles: "This one is dad!" :more giggles: "Aw, this one is Alex!" :squealing giggles: "This one is Sadie!" [Sadie is our dog] :hysterics: So the hubby tells me over our morning cup of coffee, "See honey? Farts are funny!" as Dylan continues, between squeals of laughter, to name off whose farts are now coming out of the FLARP container & its contents.

*Fish Story*
Well, its more of a fishing story, since it doesn't actually involve the fish themselves. Fredward and Alex went fishing this evening and they were telling me their stories from tonight's trip. Among them, were Fred's attempts at getting female passersby to "show their tatas" [he really likes to embarrass Alex like this]. No one did, of course, but its still funny. After telling me about the fish they both caught & saw , Fred, my wonderful and often entertaining husband, proceeds to tell me that he took a couple swigs of water. On the second swig, he gargles it. Alex asked him why he did so. As Alex proceeds to take a drink of juice, Fredward says he gargled because his penis was itchy. Alex nearly shoots juice through his nose, and regurgitated all of his juice back into its container.

Morals? Yea, I've got nothing. Laughter? Oh boy, I've got tons. Why don't you sit right round here, and listen to the FLARP. It really is quite funny!